Thanks to a grant awarded to Lucas County CASA (Court Appointed Special
Advocates) by the Toledo Community Foundation, the organization is now able to further its services for teens aging out of foster care. The new Emancipating Teen Program focuses on issues unique to this group, including support in developing and implementing specific transition plans, identifying positive adult connections, and achieving positive outcomes following transition out of foster care.
In addition to common teen challenges, fostered teens must cope with the trauma of abuse and neglect, and the struggle of finding financial and emotional support from others as they are without parents who would ordinarily guide them into adulthood. Research reveals that teens aging out of foster care have greater incidences of teen pregnancies, homelessness, unemployment, incarceration, lower academic achievement and substance abuse.
For more information about CASA and the Emancipating Teen Program, or to see how you can help, contact Mary Sawers, Emancipating Teen Specialist at 419-213-6753.
Continued care for fostered teens
Get your game on
Warm up your digits and challenge your gaming skills at the Main Library’s new designed Teen area, The Metro. The gaming station is complete with Wii, Xbos and PS3 gaming united in supervised, enclosed areas for teens to play games solo or in groups of three individuals. Games available to play include sports, music or movie-related activities; all violent-free and age-appropriate. Users must hold a Toledo-Lucas County Public Library card (free!). Not heading Downtown soon? Check out the Reynolds Corners Branch gaming center at 4833 Dorr St. For details, call 419-259-5207 or visit the Teen Scene at www.toledolibrary.org.
Alternative project gains wind
Seniors in Ryan Reed’s engineering class at Sylvania Northview High School designed and developed plans to bring wind energy to Sylvania through the help of a BP grant. The students welded the gridwork, which is the foundation for the wind turbine, in November 2009. The final elements of the turbine will be installed in the spring. The students will then be able to compare the differences between wind and solar power (through existing solar panels).
Be a rabbit
I bravely went in the back of our basement to purge. I discovered mouse droppings, a grapevine reindeer with a broken leg that looked like someone should put it out of its misery, an assortment of prom and bridesmaid dresses that confirms that not only men are colorblind, and an old radio that had been there for years. Too bad the battery compartment rusted out. I also stumbled upon my childhood copy of The Velveteen Rabbit.
This beautiful tale by Margery Williams is an everlasting reminder of a basic truth: being loved can make you ugly, but only to those who don’t understand. As the toy horse explained to the little stuffed rabbit who wants to be Real, “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and you get very shabby.”
Anyone who has ever “mothered” knows that children bring out the stuffed critter in you. Being a mom could be difficult for the “Princess Barbies” of the world. You will get slimed, sleep deprived, and become downright joyous when you miraculously fit in grocery shopping, a Target run and a shower all in the same day — yes, DAY.
Odd things happen to your body that are beyond comprehension. I nursed. I could supply a Dairy Queen. I did not “leak” as the little Nursing For Dummies 101 manual stated. I gushed. This became my new normal. I was in the store when a kind woman came up to me and sweetly said, “Pumpkin, your milk is leaking.” After a few choice words while grabbing my breasts to assess the situation, she knowingly smiled and said, “The milk in your cart, dear.”
As the children grew, new challenges emerged. Heading out to a meeting I realized I had red sparkle glitter stuck under my nails, a rip in my tights thanks to a good morning greeting from our pooch, Elmer’s glue encrusted on my thumb making it look as if I had some rare skin disorder, and I was still sporting the pink Fisher Price pretty princess crown. Obviously, “Business Barbie” was not designed in my image.
I once held vigil by my child’s hospital bed during her stint with a nasty virus. Some inquisitive nurses came in our room having discovered that I was related to a physician on staff. They took one look at me and assumed that there was no way I could be kin to anyone with an IQ and asked if I knew where Mary Helen Darah was. I looked down at my denim overalls, covered in various forms of excrement not only from my ill child but from the Guinea Pig cage I had cleaned earlier that morning, and realized I only had one option. While running my unpolished nails through my mangled hair, I told them she was at home resting and that I, as the childcare professional, was holding the fort until her return.
Over the years, I have gained a bit of wisdom. In the words of Gram, “If you throw enough ‘stuff’ at a wall, something is bound to stick.” If I could live that moment over, I would confess my true identity proudly. I look a bit disheveled from time to time and wear obnoxious sweaters indicative of the current holiday. This is not due to a lack of professionalism but from having children love me toward the optimal goal of being Real.
Mary Helen Darah has been in marketing and development for nonprofit organizations for the past six years, but her greatest role is being a mom to three amazing and diverse young women. Mary Helen has an innate ability to find humor in her trials, and hopes her writing will give others comic relief and insight through the challenges of parenthood. Mary Helen can be reached c/o [email protected].
The Education Guide
West Side Montessori
2105 N. McCord Rd., Toledo
419-866-1931
www.wsmctoledo.org
Different method. Better outcomes – At West Side Montessori, children learn how to think and how to apply their knowledge to the world around them, a world seen not from a narrow perspective, but from a global perspective. The school nurtures a love of learning and discovery, opening the path to a lifetime of exploration and adventure. Montessori education, based on the methodology developed by Dr. Maria Montessori, combines a rich academic curriculum with life skills that focus on the development of the whole child. Responsibility and respect, valuing diversity, problem solving, and understanding the interconnectedness of the world are skills practiced daily in the classroom. Each year students build upon their academic successes and life skills. Middle school graduates enter area high schools well-prepared with a strong sense of self-confidence.
West Side Montessori is a private school for children thirteen months through eighth grade. The American Montessori Society and NCA/CITA accredit the school. Additionally, the school meets all of the State of Ohio curriculum requirements for K-8.
Trinity Lutheran School
4560 Glendale Avenue, Toledo
419-385-2301
www.trinitylutheran.org
Trinity Lutheran School is a non-public school chartered by the State of Ohio and accredited by the National Lutheran School Accreditation Agency. Since it was founded in 1874, Trinity has continued to offer quality Christian education to students in Toledo and surrounding communities through a complete course of study for 3-year-old preschoolers through 8th grade. Computers, art and music classes are available to all students. Students in grades 4-8 may participate in many athletic activities. Special events are planned throughout the year to enhance the curriculum and develop well-rounded students. Extended school care is available.
St. John’s Jesuit High School & Academy
5901 Airport Hwy., Toledo
419-865-5743
www.sjjtitans.org
Innovation is key at St. John’s Jesuit High School & Academy where 450 years of Jesuit educational tradition enriches the programming. Academic excellence, athletic success, spiritual formation and a focus on helping boys achieve their greatest potential is the mission. Financial assistance for tuition is available. More than 70 percent of the students receive aid. For more go to sjjtitans.org.
Notre Dame Academy and Junior Academy
3535 W. Sylvania Ave. Toledo
419-475-9359
www.nda.org
Be Who UR at NDA! Chinese, Engineering, the International Baccalaureate Program (anticipated Fall 2011), and more await young women at the Notre Dame Academy and Junior Academy. A nurturing environment permeated with Christian values for grades 7-12, young women grow in leadership and spirituality. The largest area all-girls’ honors and advanced placement program encourages young women to challenge their academic potential. The Class of 2009 earned over $13.5 million in college awards. The largest all-girls fine arts program awakens the creative spirit. Over 30 clubs develop leadership skills and form friendships. Eagle sports are the best earning the City League All Sports Award six times in a row. Over 60% of NDA families receive tuition assistance.
St. Aloysius Catholic School
148 S. Enterprise, Bowling Green
419-352-8614
www.staloysius.tld.pvt.k12.oh.us
St. Aloysius Catholic School in Bowling Green offers full day kindergarten with a kindergarten readiness option, innovative teaching in the elementary grades and a challenging, developmentally-appropriate junior high curriculum. In partnership with school parents, St. Aloysius fosters the spiritual, intellectual, emotional and social development of the whole person. Students are challenged to reach beyond themselves in service and works of social justice. State of the Art technology helps connect learners to the world around them. St. Aloysius Catholic School welcomes students of all cultural and religious backgrounds, remaining true to its mission, “Learners growing in Faith, Character, and Knowledge.”
Imagination Station1 Discovery Way, Toledo
419-244-2674
www.imaginationstationtoledo.org
Imagination Station uses hands-on activities and innovative thinking to teach kids about science concepts in meaningful and inspiring ways. Over 250 interactive exhibits give kids of all ages a chance to explore, discover and create. Animation featuring Cartoon Network opens January 30. In Animation’s stimulating and fun environment, visitors explore animation from concept to finished product — from storyboarding, character design, and drawing techniques to movement, timing, filming, and sound. Larger-than-life graphics of popular Cartoon Network characters provide a colorful backdrop to the exhibit, which also explores the history of animation and features a screening room and a cartoon museum. With new exhibits opening all the time, every visit to Imagination Station is different every time you come.
YMCA Storer Camps
7260 S. Stony Lake Rd., Jackson, MI
1-800-536-8607
www.ymcastorercamps.org
YMCA Storer Camps, located in the Irish Hills of Southeast Michigan, offer summer resident camping programs for youth entering grades 2 – 12. Storer provides campers with the opportunity to gain self-confidence in the mastery of skills including: horseback riding, canoeing, kayaking and sailing. Campers gain a better understanding of the environment by exploring camp’s 1200 acres with 15 different ecosystems, and there are the challenges of the 5 element high ropes course and 50’ climbing tower. Storer also offers Outdoor Environmental Education for schools and custom programming for groups. Visit during an open house on April 25 or May 23.
Natural Science Technology Center5561 Elmer Dr., Toledo
419-537-1198
www.tps.org
Grades: 11&12
The Toledo Public School’s Natural Science Technology Center is now enrolling high school students for career training in the following programs: Animal Management, Pet Grooming, Wildlife Management, Forestry, Parks and Recreation, Turf-grass/Athletic Field Management, Landscape Design, Floral Design, and Greenhouse Management. On site resources include: 10 acres of property, woods, nature trails, stream, prairie, wildlife rehabilitation station, greenhouses, floral shop, courtyard, golf green, dog grooming salon, pet shop, access to the Toledo Botanical Gardens and much more. You must be 16 years of age when school begins in the fall. We have an open enrollment policy. Home schooled students are welcome. Private tours available, please call for an appointment. This school is a unique and innovative resource offered through the Toledo Public Schools. Take a peek at what our students are up to at https://toledonstc.blogspot.com/
EdChoice
800-673-5876
www.scohio.org
Always wanted to send your child to a private school? EdChoice is a scholarship program funded by the Ohio Department of Education that gives children an opportunity to attend a private school in the area. It is open to students in Toledo Public’s low-performing schools and provides up to $5,000 in tuition for a private elementary or high school. To qualify for the program the parent needs to register at a participating private school from February 1 – April 16, 2010. For more information on the EdChoice program or to see if your child qualifies, call 800-673-5876 or visit www.scohio.org.
St. Ursula Academy4025 Indian Rd., Ottawa Hills
419-531-1693
www.toledosua.org
St. Ursula Academy places girls first and foremost; they understand how girls learn and succeed. In December 2009, St. Ursula received word that its science club’s experiment was selected to run at the Micro-Gravity Drop Tower at the NASA Glenn Research facility in Cleveland. Four members of the SUA Science Club team will spend an all-expense-paid week at NASA in Cleveland: conducting their experiment; analyzing their data; touring the facility; and attending workshops. The experiment proposal entails discovering if molecular rotation rates in a liquid, in a microgravity environment, are the same as they would be in the gravitational environment on Earth’s surface. This is just one of many recognized achievements made by the students and faculty of St. Ursula Academy.
SUA student participants:
Nikeya Dickson, Elizabeth Garrison, Nicole Ishimwe, Shannon Martin, Madeline Niehaus, Cassie Pacer, Abby Rieker, Gretchen Savage, Sydney Schwab, Stephanie Szczniak, and Danyel Wigmans.
St. Joseph School
5411 Main St., Sylvania
419-882-6670
www.stjoesylvania.org
At St. Joseph School in Sylvania, students in preschool through eighth grade are given the opportunity to participate everyday in innovative and exciting lessons in math, science, language arts, social studies, and religion. Students are also exposed to enriching courses such as art, music, physical education, technology and Spanish. What truly sets St. Joseph apart from other schools is the high emphasis they put on growing in faithfulness. By participating in liturgy, sacraments, and service projects, students as a whole develop a sense of community and truly become centered in Christ.
St. Pius X3011 Carskaddon Ave., Toledo
419-535-7672
www.saint-pius.org
St. Pius X School is the best kept secret in West Toledo. For over fifty years, St. Pius has been offering faith centered and innovative educational programs for students in preschool through eighth grade. Some highlighted aspects of our school are that we are fully accredited with a licensed and certified staff, we are a parish of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, we have SMARTBoards, wireless Internet connection and an amplification system in every classroom, we have full and half day Kindergarten and Preschool options, and we have an Extended Day Program for after school care.
Glass City Academy
2275 Collingwood Blvd., Toledo
419-720-6311
www.glasscityacademy.org
Glass City Academy provides a second chance for young adults to complete high school, learn readily marketable work skills, and explore post-secondary training options.
Located at 1000 Monroe Street, the charter school serves students ages 16-21 who have been unsuccessful in a traditional high school setting. The school’s curriculum meets State of Ohio requirements and offers challenging classes for all students.
Diploma requirements include a total of 24 credits, successful completion of Ohio Graduation Tests, a college-level research project, community service hours, a workforce technology credential, science research project, and exit examination. Call 419-720-6311 for admissions information or visit www.glasscityacademy.org.
Toledo Christian School2303 Brookford Dr., Toledo
419-389-8700
www.toledochristian.com
Since 1975, Toledo Christian School has provided a strong spiritual foundation for students. A challenging academic agenda begins in the elementary years and continues through high school. Student opportunities for advanced placement courses as well as dual-enrollment opportunities are offered. More than 94% of our graduates pursue higher education.
At TCS, students learn to reason critically and act biblically while being loved and encouraged by an experienced, professional and godly faculty and staff. An education in which Jesus Christ is central will influence each student throughout their life. Come and see for yourself!
Mary Immaculate School
3835 Secor Rd., Toledo
419-474-1688
www.maryimmaculatetoledo.org
Mary Immaculate School is a Catholic school that focuses on the individual learning needs of academically at-risk students and students with disabilities. At Mary Immaculate, we educate the whole child by offering a strong standards based curriculum as well as weekly sensory integration, technology and social skills classes. We also offer art, music, and physical education classes. Our small class sizes, dedicated teachers, and caring faith-based family atmosphere helps each student grow in confidence and self-esteem. For more information, contact the school at [email protected] or visit our website www.maryimmacuatetoledo.org
Einstein Montessori5039 Dorr St., Toledo
419-531-6303
The new Montessori childcare center features an open classroom concept that wraps around a huge indoor playground. Most people are familiar with Montessori schools, but are unsure of what makes them different from traditional preschools. Common misconceptions include these:
1. Montessori schools are connected with a certain religion. The truth is that Montessori is a teaching philosophy that encourages the inner spirit of a child to shine, but does not preach any religious doctrine.
2. Montessori is only for gifted children. In fact, the hands-on materials and child-focused curriculum is appropriate for children of all learning abilities, not just the gifted.
3. Montessori schools are expensive. Maybe some are, but Einstein Montessori is competitively priced and not more expensive than other preschools in the Toledo area.
We are looking forward to addressing any other questions about Montessori education at out grand opening. Or call us to arrange a private tour so you and your child can check out our fantastic new learning environment!
Imani Learning Academy
728 Parkside Blvd., Toledo
419-535-7078
www.imanilearningacademy.org
Imani Learning Academy is more than just a school. It is a place where learning, respect and compassion are woven into the very fiber of our staff and students. We are adamant about upholding a positive image as a School of Excellence. At Imani, we have a pledge that is recited every day, and it teaches our students respect for not only others, but themselves. We are proud to know every student by name, and all students have some interaction with every staff member. We are driven by our dedicated staff and families.
St. Patrick of Heatherdowns4201 Heatherdowns Blvd., Toledo
419-381-1540
www.toledostpats.org
St. Patrick of Heatherdowns Elementary School offers pre-school, pre-kindergarten and k – 8 education. St. Pat’s Catholic School offers a top-notch education in a faith based environment. We have full-time computer, physical education, art, and Spanish teachers. Student attend weekly mass and receive daily instruction in religion. We offer a full sports program including pee-wee baseball and basketball, cross country, volleyball, football, basketball, baseball, softball, track and soccer. We also have LD tutors, a speech therapist and full-time nurse. Call 419-381-1775 or visit our website, www.toledostpats.org.
Northwest Ohio Scholarship Fund
419-244-6711 x219
Students from low-income families who reside in Lucas, Wood or Fulton County have an opportunity to be awarded need-based scholarships up to $1,250 per child so that they can attend a private school for K-8th grade. The Northwest Ohio Scholarship Fund is accepting applications for its annual scholarship lottery for the 2010-2011 school year. For more information about the program and an application, visit www.nosf.org or contact the Northwest Ohio Scholarship Fund office at (419) 244-6711 x 219. The deadline to apply is Tuesday, June 1, 2010.
Toledo School for the Arts
333 14th St., Toledo
419-246-8732
www.ts4arts.org
Toledo School for the Arts is one of the most diverse learning communities in Ohio. Students who have a passion for the arts and a commitment to excellence seek out TSA as a unique opportunity to combine college preparatory academics with an unsurpassed curriculum in the arts. In 2007 and 2009, TSA was recognized by the U.S. News and World Report as an America’s Best High Schools Bronze Medalist. In 2009, the school received the Excellent rating for the fourth consecutive year from the Ohio Department of Education.
Sylvania Franciscan Academy5335 Silica Dr., Sylvania
419-885-3273
www.s-f-a.org
Transfer Fair and Open House
Wednesday, February 24, 4:30 – 7:30 p.m.
Preschool – Grade 8
Come experience Sylvania Franciscan Academy’s core philosophy of individualized education for EVERY student. Learn why 75% of SFA graduates enter into honors classes and 100% of grads are accepted to their first choice of high school. See firsthand how SFA gives you the keys to unlock your child’s success through our focus on Fine Arts, Mentoring, Service, and a Diocesan Curriculum.
Lial Catholic School
5700 Davis Rd., Whitehouse
419-877-5167
www.lialschool.org
We would like to invite you to come and explore the unique learning opportunities at Lial Catholic School. What makes Lial unique?
• Multi-age classrooms allow students
continual progress at their own speed.
• Seven Sisters of Notre Dame serve
at Lial.
• Multiple leadership opportunities are available at all age levels.
• Lial Parents are so involved! Parents
are regular members of our classrooms,
helping individual students, groups and
teachers.
• Lial is a small school with BIG realities!
Maumee Valley Country Day School
1715 S. Reynolds Rd., Toledo
419-381-1313
www.mvcds.org
Maumee Valley Country Day School is the region’s premier college prep program attracting students from P3 through 12th grade. Maumee Valley serves 493 students with broad academic interests and diverse backgrounds. Our program is noted for its small class sizes (10:1 student-to-teacher ratio), challenging curriculum, and supportive community that prepares students to engage with the world.
Regina Coeli
600 Regina Pkwy, Toledo
419-476-0920
www.regina-coeli.org
Catholic schools are a means by which our faith is passed from one generation to another. At Regina Coeli School, parents and faculty create an environment that allows each student to grow spiritually, academically, physically and mentally. We attain this through our very active Parent/Teacher Organization, Booster/Athletic Organization and a number of extra-curricular programs and clubs offered and mentored by our parents and faculty. We are so much more than a school. We are a faith community filled with the desire and commitment to assist, guide, inspire, and instruct the children from Preschool through Grade 8.
Children’s Discovery Center
www.childrensdiscoverycenters.com
Children’s Discovery Center, Inc. serves over 1,100 children ages 6 weeks through kindergarten in seven locations in the greater Toledo area, and fosters learning through hands-on experiences in specially designed, beautiful environments. CDC has earned a two-star rating in the Step Up to Quality rating system. Trained teachers encourage children to see, touch, and do through drawing, painting, building, weaving, and more. Our two full-day kindergartens offer curriculums aligned to state standards, as well as after-school care and Camp Discovery, an exciting, full-day summer program for school-agers. Before enrolling elsewhere, discover the difference at Children’s Discovery Center. Call today for a personalized tour.
Montessori Day School5559 West Bancroft Rd., Toledo
419-537-7011
Montessori Day School believes that children enter this world with an instinctive search for knowledge. We create an environment which supports a child’s need for movement, love of order, and a drive for independence. Our extensive curriculum provides a strong foundation for academic excellence. Our goal is the development of autonomous and responsible children who are life long learners and problem solvers.
Fingerprints Learning Center
6540 Brint Rd.
419-824-4533
Fingerprints Learning Center has two extended hour locations in Holland and Sylvania to service you! Theme Based Curriculum along with Sign Language and Spanish make our Learning Center a great environment for diverse social and mental developmental growth. Security keypad entrance, 24 hour surveillance, and certified teachers make us a safe place for our students. Join us for our Open House, February 22-26th and experience what we have to offer Your Hands of the Future!
Ohio Virtual Academy/K12866-339-9071
www.K12.com/ohva
Serving grades K-12, the Ohio Virtual Academy (OHVA) is a tuition-free, statewide eSchool that uses curriculum from K-12 – the country’s leading provider of online curriculum. With its individualized approach, the K12 curriculum lets students adjust their learning style to meet their needs. OHVA also offers tutoring, special needs programs, and opportunities for socialization through community events and outings. Accredited by CITA and NCA CASI.
Mentor or Mom?
SINCE MOVING TO WITHIN A MILE of the college where my husband teaches, I’ve enjoyed getting to know a lot of college students, particularly the women: they’re smart, thoughtful, creative, and confident. They are forever leaving to or returning from study-service terms in places like Costa Rica or Northern Ireland, they speak multiple languages, they go rock-climbing, and they read books on the atonement just for fun.They have big plans and big questions and big hearts. In fact, they remind me a lot of myself when I was in college.
They also threaten the hell out of me.
Threatened” isn’t actually the right word for the vague anxiety I have when I’m with them. It’s more like one part nostalgia (they remind me of my former, more radical self); one part shame (I didn’t change the world, and now I’m now a mostly-at-home mother of three); and one part jealousy (I can’t play Frisbee every Sunday afternoon anymore). Basically, it’s a competitive instinct that I just can’t seem to put to rest. Adventure, success, activism, and travel win; motherhood loses.
Whatever the word is for my feeling when I’m with them, it’s certainly divine retribution. I spent much of my college career feeling pity and mild contempt for those sweet-natured education and nursing majors who wanted to have babies and live in split-levels—unlike me and my friends, the slightly transgressive and (we thought) brainy writers and activists. I’m not sure my friends and I ever imagined ourselves as mothers, or what we’d do about health insurance and childcare while we and our comrades-in-arms husbands continued with our slightly transgressive and brainy work. All I knew then is that women who were eager to stay home with children deserved pity for their vocational losses and anger for betraying the movement.
I’m proud of neither my former judgmentalism nor my current paranoia about being judged. Both my mommy-track classmates fifteen years ago and my Doppelgänger young friends at present have done nothing to earn my rancor. Plus, I’m schooled enough in feminism to know that animosity between women can be its undoing, and that the purported “mommy wars” are just one more way to pit women against each other in a game no one can win. So while I can forgive my twentysomething self for not having the wherewithal to befriend classmates I saw as threatening to women’s progress, you’d think I’d know by now that college students need thirtysomething women like me as mentors, not competitors.
You’d think. And I do so love to imagine myself in that mentor scenario: in it I take the college women out for coffee at a café, listen to their dreams for the future, then gently impart my “I’m-older-enough-than-you-to-be-wiser-but-not-so-old-as-to-be-uncool” advice. In my daydream, the young women always walk back to their dorm rooms feeling elated that such a successful and compassionate woman took an interest in them.
Giving fair warning
Maybe someday I’ll be mentor material. Right now, however, I’m still too worried that these young women are going to pass me in the next lane. Right now I’m too busy running kids to cello lessons and baseball practice, trying not to resent my husband for his professional successes, and figuring out how I’m going to eventually get a job with nine blank years in my resume. Right now I’m too tired to do much of anything.
But I still wonder if I should warn them. It’s not what mentors do—except perhaps deranged ones—but here’s my other daydream, sans hip café. In this fantasy we’re in my basement, strewn with couch pillows and toys and peopled by screaming children. I pull the college women aside, affix them with a steady gaze, and whisper in a conspiratorial voice: I was once like you. I baked bread in Germany and walked through streams in Nicaragua. I worked for a magazine and had a company credit card and wrote editorials that shocked people. I got married to a man willing to clean bathrooms, and we lived in a city and walked to market and protested the death penalty.
And then I had a baby. Here I pause, then raise my eyebrows.
And two years later another. Another significant pause.
And two years later, yet another.
I stop for awhile, until they think I’ve made my point and begin to sidle away. Then I begin again: Each child is an earthquake that hurls your identity off the shelf, I say. You will spend years picking yourself off the floor, along with everyone else’s socks and playdough. You will no longer know who really wins: the one who goes to the office all day, or the one who stays home with the kids. You will feel guilty about each choice that takes you away from your children, and resentful of each choice that takes you away from your calling. And here I grab them by their scrawny elbows and bring it home: And you will never, ever judge a housewife again!
Then I take a deep breath and walk away, perhaps tripping over a Lego but clothed with the strange dignity that comes with both speaking the truth and coming unhinged. The college women stumble wide-eyed back to their psychology textbooks and smart roommates, trying to figure out a diagnosis.
Changes to come?
Neither of my scenarios is accurate, I’m sure, despite how much I relish both of them. And neither scenario would do college women much good anyway.
Young women don’t need phony assurances about how easy it is to be both a mother and an individual, to maintain both a family and a career, to win in both the office and the house. Such platitudes can only lead to disillusionment and anger—unless the next decade brings about sane maternity leaves, affordable childcare, universal health insurance, and family-friendly work environments. (I’m not holding my breath.) Or maybe, if they have children, they and their partners will find better ways to navigate these days of early parenthood—some way to change the world, change gendered patterns, and still change diapers. I’ll be the first to cheer them on (provided I’m not too jealous).
On the other hand, maybe some college women will end up like me: bewildered, exhausted, not sure whether they’ve won or not or whether they even trust the society that’s keeping the score. Indeed, maybe college women need me a little bit like I need them: as a prompt to reexamine how we calibrate wins and losses, and as a reminder that when it comes to motherhood and work, winning and losing are categories that no longer make an iota of sense.
Valerie Weaver-Zercher is a writer and editor in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. Her writing receives special mention in the 2009 Pushcart Prize anthology, and she is a 2009 recipient of a fellowship in creative nonfiction from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts. Her piece “Mentor or Mom” appeared in the September 2009 issue of Skirt! Charleston. We enjoyed it so much, we asked if we could reprint it.