Motherhood During COVID-19: Everything is Fine (it’s not)

By

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July 6, 2020

(left to right) Phoebe, Ryker, Djeserit and Geoffrey.

Left to right: Phoebe, Djeserit, Geoffrey, and Ryker celebrate Easter 2020, quarantine-style

My family has every advantage to get us through a pandemic: a spacious home, a stocked pantry, multiple electronic devices per family member, and plenty of good humor to go around. I am the envy of my immigrant child-self! And yet, somehow I find myself languishing in some embarrassing self-pity. I had to really unpack these feelings over the last few months. How can I possibly feel anything but grateful?

Comparative suffering, toxic positivity, the ideas that, “I don’t have it so bad especially compared to *insert worse off person or group here*” is destructive to well-being. I had to recognize that my family and I, and really all of humanity, are cycling through stages of grief and need to be allowed to feel all the things. While things are “fine.” they are also ALL. TOO. MUCH.

We are all home constantly, using every inch of the house, every scrap of food, and every dish in the cupboards. I have to clean the bathroom 6 or 7 times a day, and let’s not even talk about laundry. How can four people use so many clothes when we aren’t even leaving the house?

Meanwhile, there is an onslaught of devastating data coming in through every outlet. I’m an empath; I’m not just witnessing the suffering of others, but I’m really feeling it. Whether I’m talking my son through the crushing loneliness of being apart from his friends, letting my daughter have another half hour of phone use to connect with her friends, or giving my husband an hour to get out of the house, I also have to remember to give myself some care and compassion.

For me, that looks like taking a long walk and calling a friend or family member. Connecting with others is my salvation. I may start off with a list of grievances, but by hearing what my loved ones are experiencing and unpacking our feelings together, I find genuine relief. Connecting, empathizing, remembering that the power of love can reach beyond space, time, disease, injustice, and the overwhelming challenges of the human condition are therapeutic and restorative. And just like that everything is “fine” again…even when it is also all too much.

Stop. Drop. And Roll on in to Fire Station

By

Karen L. Zickes

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July 2, 2020

Maumee’s HOT new spot is family friendly

By Karen L. Zickes

FIRE STATION BAR AND GRILL (6040 Knights Inn Place, Maumee, OH 43537)

We always choose a locally-owned restaurant with great food over a national chain, any day of the week. One of the area’s newest unique restaurants, Fire Station Bar and Grill, opened in October, and it’s already a “hot” place to be.

A tribute to firefighters and a feast for the senses

You can’t miss the three retired fire trucks parked in front of the new Bar and Grill, visible along Airport Highway near Holland-Sylvania. The trucks provide a hint of what you will find on the interior of the restaurant, with an atmosphere and unique décor that will be a delight to children and adults alike. Your senses will be on overload. I took the virtual tour, that reviews the memorabilia collection, online after our visit and I couldn’t believe how many things I had missed when I was there. The restaurant is decorated with fire trucks, photos, murals and other types of firefighter memorabilia. Owner Jamie Wietrzyrkowski, who did an amazing job with the décor of his two Mail Pouch Saloon restaurants (one in Swanton and one in Haskins, Ohio), excelled once again with Fire Station.

The restaurant boasts three full bars, a seasonal patio, and a second floor that overlooks the main dining area. There is even a fire truck with fully operating lights and sirens in the center of the second floor. All table tops have pictures from local fire stations. The murals and over 500 pictures are of current and historical engine companies and historical fires in NW Ohio. Adding to the atmosphere, they offer live music weekly as well.

Mouthwatering menu and generous portions

The large menu consists of flatbreads, chicken chunks served several ways, whole smoked wings, pasta skillets, tacos, and an array of burgers, sandwiches and entrees. As “ordinary” as those items may sound, their menu items are anything but ordinary. Every item has a unique twist or flavor combination, or perhaps a special sauce. For instance, the Nut Wagon burger has pepper jack cheese and peanut butter, and the chicken tenders can be ordered hand-breaded in Cap’n Crunch cereal!

For rookie firefighters (10 and under), they have a place mat menu (Little Dalmatians Kids Meals). If the little ones can stop “oohing” and “ahhing” while ogling the decor long enough, they can color the themed menu while they wait. They offer seven kid-approved choices on the menu, and each is served with the choice of a side and a drink for about $5.99. The menu also teaches fire safety tips for the kids.

We had the deep-fried asparagus for our “fire starter.” Always hesitant to order asparagus, I thought it might be thick and woody, but it was delicious. The Fire Ax Skillet, with bourbon-soaked bacon and macaroni noodles tossed in beer cheese, was very good. Although, on my next visit I may get what my youngest ordered: Fire House Chunks. The chicken tenderloins are cut fresh daily and either grilled or hand-breaded and fried. The white mac and cheese was topped with the chicken chunks, coleslaw, onion straws and brisket, then drizzled with their homemade BBQ sauce. Oh my…that was incredibly tasty. My daughter, a vegetarian, has tried a plethora of restaurant veggie burgers and she gave Fire Station’s a thumbs up.

Bottom Line: One of the area’s newest restaurants honors our past and present firefighters, first responders and police officers. Fire Station takes the theme to another level and, I assure you that, neither you nor your kids have ever been to a place quite like this. Enjoy a mouth-watering menu, maybe some live music and a feast for the senses.

FIRE STATION BAR AND GRILL (6040 Knights Inn Place, Maumee, OH 43537)

419-491-9911

Sun-Thur: 11AM-11PM

(kitchen closes at 9PM)

Fri-Sat: 11AM-12AM

(kitchen closes at 11PM)

www.firestationbarandgrill.com

A Big Heart and a Healthy Body

By

Phoebe Samuel Rapp

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July 2, 2020

The Westerfeld family- jack(7), husband Max (38), Mckenna (8), Charlie (6), Emily (33).

Ohio surrogate helps families feel complete.

The decision to have and raise children allows many families to truly feel complete. For couples who need the compassion and aid of another to hold the next member of their family in their arms, a surrogate provides a means to that end. Thirty-three year old Emily Westerfeld is an Ohio mother of three who helped found the agency to provide this needed service to parents who may struggle with various fertility challenges.

Westerfield lives with her husband Max and their children: Mckenna (9), Jack (7), and Charlie (6). As a high schooler, Westerfield was a three-sport athlete who regularly babysat for family and friends, finding she had an intrinsic nurturing nature described by her mother as having a “million-dollar heart and a two-cent budget.”

The joy and pain of family
In helping her sister care for a newborn, Westfield experienced joy from holding her niece. Feeling the tug of motherhood, Westfield entered pregnancy with enthusiasm, an “awesome experience, complete with an actual pregnancy glow!”

But, Westfield recalls her painful encounters with women who struggled with successful gestation. When a family member shared her painful attempts and losses, Westfield became interested in surrogacy, researching options and discussing pros and cons with her husband. She convinced him that, “God put me on the planet to help, so I should do that.”

From independent to a community resource
Acknowledging that she had completed her own family, Westerfield made herself available as a surrogate, creating an online profile and, starting out on her own rather than through an agency, carried four healthy surrogate children.

Dr. Shamma, a leading reproductive endocrinologists and infertility specialist in Michigan and Ohio, worked with Westerfield through her surrogacy process. She was subsequently inspired to provide a resource here in the Toledo area with Dr. Shamma, who founded Gift of Life Surrogacy, a Sylvania surrogacy agency that has helped families across the country.

Now, as the Director of Surrogacy Engagement and Matching at The Gift of Life agency, Westfield oversees the logistics of surrogacy. As a “carrier” herself, she empathizes with the complexity of the process. Families seeking surrogates are often at the end of a painful and complex journey, finding themselves with few other options. Westerfield explains that “a surrogate’s job is to complete families, not just start them.” Potential parents are paired with a carrier through a thorough vetting process.

The Gift of Life agency begins with a complete medical screening of carriers, before a match, to avoid potential health issues and they select carriers that have completed their own family with successful births. The process involves a comprehensive legal contract, which includes compensation for the time and pain of pregnancy but is explicit that there is no payment for a child.

Answering the “what if” questions
In response to the question “what if the carrier becomes attached?”, Westerfield patiently explains that as a carrier, her experience was that of joy at helping the other family become whole. Seeing families united with their newest member is the completion of the process for her. She explains that as a surrogate, one has a clear understanding that this is not her child, which preclude the feelings of attachment that she felt with her own biological children.

“D-day” (delivery day) is an exciting and emotional experience. The families frequently become friends with the carrier and feel great joy and relief when able to hold their child. For Westfield, this process— her life’s work— is about helping people and educating them.

Pregnancy After 40: Are we crazy?

By

Dina Sobhan

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July 2, 2020

In 2019, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that while the birth rates for women under 40 had been declining for years, those for women in their early 40s were increasing — by 3 percent every year since 1982. The average age of first-time mothers in the United States is now 26, up from 23 in 1994. In certain parts of the US, like New York City, it is even higher.

Shifting trends
In the past few decades, more women have focused on higher education and establishing their careers before starting a family. But for a large number of women, the decision to have children later in life is simply a matter of relationship circumstances. More and more women find themselves without a suitable partner and they are less likely to continue in a relationship that does not fulfill them. Accordingly, divorce rates have been on the rise for several decades. Also, with the advent of online dating, more people, particularly men, are not committing to marriage, given the seemingly endless choices and availability of partners.

So many options
As well, women have many more options, and some are foregoing motherhood altogether. Others, like Roxanne, 36, are opting to freeze their eggs in hopes that their circumstances might change in the future. With the advent of IVF, freezing embryos for future use has created options for many women. It is also now common for older women to undergo fertility treatments, allowing them to become pregnant long after it would have been possible in prior generations.

Rewards
Naturally, there are huge positives to becoming a mother later in life. One mother, Heather Meyer (Toledo), says, “I’m glad we were not parents when we were younger. I think it is probably harder in some respects, but ultimately we are hopefully better parents because we had time to get to know ourselves as individuals and as a couple first.”

Another mother, Brooke Padgett (Perrysburg), states, “I am so much more laid back at this age and things just don’t get to me like they once did. I also didn’t get caught up in the cutesy nursery, the best stroller, or boutique clothing. Whatever a friend was willing to share or lend me, I took it!”

It seems the majority of 40-something moms would agree that while exhausting, the maturity and patience that comes with age is a huge benefit when dealing with rambunctious toddlers. Couples who choose to have children later in life are thankful for the solid relationship base that is a benefit to parenthood, while single mothers are more financially and emotionally confident in their ability to raise a child.

Emily Bedwell (Toledo) explains further, “I had the chance to live my life fully and can concentrate on raising my kids now without feeling as though I’m missing out.”

But also, risks
In discussing ‘geriatric’ pregnancies (as they were referred to until very recently) it is important to discuss the risks. The chances of infertility, birth defects and miscarriage increase with age. According to The American College to Obstetricians and Gynecologists, women’s fertility decreases with age, with only 1 in 10 women above the age of 40 achieving pregnancy per menstrual cycle.

Down Syndrome, the most common chromosomal problem in late child-bearing, occurs in 1 out of 35 pregnancies at age 45. The percentage chance of a miscarriage at 25 is 15% compared to 35-40% at 40. The risk of developing preeclampsia increases about 1.5-2 fold, and the chance of developing gestational diabetes rises from 3% to those under 35 to 8% for those over 40.

Moreover, pregnancy is more taxing on the body and can be accompanied by more pain, increased chance of complications, and difficult deliveries, especially for those who had C-sections before. Women 35 or older who had C-sections after they went into labor were four times more likely to have complications than mothers over 35 who had vaginal births.

Child & Parent Empowerment

By

Kimberly Feldkamp

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July 2, 2020

Mom Ashley Glinka, a local mom, founded The Child & Parent Empowerment Program to teach families situational awareness skills and how to use an empowerment mindset to protect themselves.

Teaching families safety, survival skills.

Ashley Glinka is a pretty cool mom to twins and a 6-year-old, but she also is a former Federal Air Marshall who flew overseas anti-terrorism missions. Those experiences led her to create The Child & Parent Empowerment Program.

The details
The program is a two-hour class for parents, teachers and coaches that includes both the parent and child so they can learn to work together. “The classes cover situational awareness skills, mindset, and how to teach kids to use that empowerment mindset to protect themselves,” Glinka explained. “Our additional classes also work with self-defense for families and different techniques for younger children.”

The idea
Before she earned the title “mom,” Glinka was a federal agent traveling internationally, working covertly as a Federal Air Marshal. She explains that role made her confident in her ability to protect herself and others. When she became a mom, however, she realized how vulnerable parents are with their most precious assets.

“I was an avid babywearer, and soon our family was blessed with twins, so I had 3 under three! My hands were literally full, and as I went about my day-to-day life, I would constantly be running through “what if” scenarios and how I could incorporate the years of training and experience (in self defense that) I had to be most effective for my family,” Glinka explained.

As her children grew, Glinka and her husband began to teach them about safety, including awareness of their surroundings, basic self-defense and empowerment skills.

“Through all of this I’ve been talking with other moms and giving them advice on how they could teach their children and suddenly, The Child & Parent Empowerment Program was born.”

The benefits
“We all want to think that our family will never find themselves in a situation that could endanger them, but the truth is, the majority of us have already been in that situation,” Glinka said. “As a mother of young children, I want my daughters and my son to grow up being aware of what’s happening around them. I want them to be aware but not afraid. I want them to have confidence to raise their voice and yell “stop,” to know it’s okay to leave a situation and to be empowered by that knowledge and not fearful of the unknown.”

The classes teach parents to have age-appropriate conversations with children about safety. They also help families create safety plans while giving families tools to help navigate potential dangers in the world.

Interested in learning more? Email [email protected] or visit luxelifewith3.com.

College Scholarships Awarded to Seven Local Caddies

By

Erin Schoen Marsh

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July 2, 2020

A part-time job can lead to full college tuition

By Erin Schoen Marsh

Parents have no shortage of worries these days, including how to pay for the ever-increasing cost of college. Even if you started squirreling away money when your child was an infant, you may not have enough saved for the yearly costs to attend a college or university. The Western Golf Association’s (WGA) Chick Evans Scholarship, a full, four-year housing and tuition scholarship and the nation’s largest privately funded scholarship program, offers hope to many families.

Twenty-six students who caddied in the state of Ohio have been awarded 2020 full tuition to college, and seven of those 26 are local Toledo area students, all of whom will be attending The Ohio State University.

Each student caddie has a unique story to tell, to satisfy the scholarships’ four selection criteria: a strong caddie record, excellent academics, demonstrated financial need and outstanding character. The full tuition and housing college scholarship is valued at an estimated $120,000 over four years.

“Each of these deserving Evans Scholars epitomizes what our program has been about since its creation in 1930,” said WGA Chairman Kevin Buggy. “Their dedication, hard work and sacrifice is humbling, and we are honored to be able to help them pursue their dreams.”

Currently, a record 1,010 caddies are enrolled at 18 universities across the nation as Evans Scholars, and more than 11,050 caddies have graduated as Evans Scholars since the program was founded by Charles “Chick” Evans, Jr., famed Chicago amateur golfer, 90 years ago.

To learn more about the WGA and ESF, visit www.wgaesf.org.