The Harsh Stare of Judgment

October 29, 2012

Ten. More. Seconds… that's all I needed.

As the slo-ooww-w woman behind the checkout line tallied the total, my eyes pleaded with her to hurry – credit card in one hand and screaming toddler in the other.

"But Momma," ~~whined~~ interrupted my Kindergartner as he tugged on my shirt, "Just ONE piece of candy? Pleezzzee!"

T-minutes 5-seconds to breakdown (mine and kids). I tried to mentally prepare myself for my exit.

I struggled to pull five bags, a crying toddler and an angry Kindergartner out of the store before the breakdown occurred. And that's when I felt it – pounding through me and rushing directly towards my heart. I knew the sensation. I had felt it before (and will probably feel it again).

Amongst all the chaos, the crying, and my own panic and exhaustion, I felt the obvious gaze of disapproval as I exited the store.

"Do you think I don't realize that I am not at my brightest moment?" I wanted to shout out loud but didn't. "Do you think by making me MORE aware of how badly this split second looks that you are doing me a favor?" There are so many difficult things that parents have to deal with. Harsh stares of judgment should NOT. Be. One of them.

3 – 2 – 1…

I turned around to look back at the cashier, feeling my last couple of pre-breakdown seconds dwindle. She quickly adjusted her attention to the next customer in line when she realized I had caught her critical look.

What I wanted so badly for her to know is: looks can be deceiving and very rarely tell the entire story. And this specific story, on that specific day, during that specific moment – is a somewhat deceptive and unrepresentative moment of my parenting skills.

Sure, I could have shown a little more patience.

Yes, based on that one moment I wouldn't be nominated for "Mom of the Year."

I am fully aware that frustration and sleep deprivation are not the best looks for me.

People can be so easy to judge by just one small slice of life, but parenthood… parenthood is way more than just a single missing moment of patience. It's more than just one evening of exhaustion. And it is so much more than just this one painful moment here.

…0

The count down reached zero, and the breakdown began. I pulled my toddler in closer (hoping a hug would bring me more patience) and simultaneously gripped my Kindergartner's hand tightly as we closed in on our van.

One moment. Just one moment after my long day of work, after a long day of school for my Kindergartner, and after a non-existent nap for my toddler… Yes, hindsight is always 50/50.

We should have stayed home.
But we didn't.

And that harsh stare of judgment didn't help our afternoon. All it did was leave me hurting and feeling more defeated, when what I really needed at that time (what many mothers need) was support.

Remember that.

Leave a Comment: Have you ever felt the "harsh stare of judgment" as a parent?

Kate Fineske is a busy, on-the-go, not-so-perfect, sometimes forgetful (yet well meaning) mom of 3. She is the author of On-the-Go Momma and also is a staff member for the National Association of Mothers Center (NAMC) and the primary contributor to Mothers Central – The Parenting Conversations Blog of the NAMC.

12th Annual Tellabration!

Digital Media

October 29, 2012

The Frogtown Storytelling Guild celebrates it’s 12th year as apart of this international day of storytelling known as Tellabration! The event is a spoken-word concert that is sure to enchant any audience. This year’s featured storyteller is Jeff Doyle from Ann Arbor, MI. Doyle is a member of Ann Arbor’s Storyteller’s Guild and is known for humorous tales that end with a twist and are often spooky! Many Frogtown storytellers will join him for an evening full of the region’s best folktales, legends and personal narratives. Help keep the oral tradition alive and pass on some of the creative yarns to the next generation of storytellers.

7-9pm. $10 adults / Free, high school and college students with a student ID. Maumee Indoor Theater, 601 Conant St., Maumee. 419-350-1454.
www.sites.google.com/site/frogtownstorytellers—JG

Pie for breakfast?

Karen L. Zickes

October 29, 2012

Schmucker’s Restaurant
2103 N. Reynolds Rd.
419-535-9116
Open Mon-Sat: 5am-11pm
Closed Sundays
www.schmuckersrestaurant.com

Shame on me, I did it again! Eventually I will stop judging restaurants by their exterior. I should know by now that any restaurant appearing to be family owned with a steady stream of cars filling the parking lot probably has some darn good food! Obviously many people already know what I’m just figuring out.

Third generation still makes it like grandma
I have driven past the tiny yellow brick building with the flashing neon sign on Reynolds Rd. more times than I can count. There are cars in the parking lot no matter what time of day. It finally took a friend, new in town, to tell me I should really try it sometime. Too bad I missed out on the food, friendly staff, and experience for so long.

Every inch of the restaurant is utilized with customers perched on the stools at the lunch counter watching everything being prepared right in front of them. Little has changed in this quaint diner that was built in 1948. The same wooden phone booth stands in the corner. The pay phone is actually the restaurant phone and the shiny metal stools have been there since Schmucker’s opened. Current owner, Doug Schmucker, is the grandson of Harvey and Nola Schmucker, who built the restaurant. He took over when his father passed away. “I started punching the clock when I was 12 years old,” Doug says.

“I have worked hard at keeping everything the way grandma and grandpa made things,” Doug says. Most of the entrees are still grandma’s recipes. He’s certain they have remained in business since 1948 because of his grandfather’s belief that if you offer people good food at a reasonable price and they don’t leave hungry, they’ll be back. Doug believes in treating everyone with the utmost respect. “I love people,” he said. Schmucker’s has one employee who has been part of the “family” since 1976. Others have been there since the ‘80s. Employee loyalty like that is a rarity these days.

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, or PIE?
It was standing room only when we arrived. As I panned the diner, I saw people of all ages. I overheard several conversations that indicated most of the people there were regulars. My kids didn’t mind we weren’t in some fancy place, rather, I think they thought the step back in time was kind of cool; especially the wooden phone booth and old time cash register. It’s the little things, I guess.

Kid-friendly: Yes. To avoid wait: Breakfast/lunch are especially busy on Saturday
Noise level: Moderate
Bathroom amenities: Changing station in women’s room, though they’re happy to let father’s in to use it!
High chairs? Yes
Got milk? Plain and chocolate varieties available, as well as lemonade, raspberry lemonade, orange juice, apple juice, and soda.
Kids’ menu? Yes

My husband and I enjoyed breakfast, and my sons devoured burgers and hand cut fries from the kids’ menu. The breakfasts for kids 10 and under are $2.19 plus drink. The lunch and dinner kids’ menu includes drink and a homemade cookie and prices range from $3.19 to $4.49. If your older kids no longer prefer hot dogs, PB and J, and the like, the home-style dinners are available in child portions for $1.50 less than regular menu prices.

After seeing, tasting, and hearing more about their homemade pies, I may never bake my own again! Most certainly I sampled some pie after my breakfast of eggs and corned beef hash. How could I not? They offer about 20 fresh pies daily as well as pies-of-the-week. If you can think of a flavor, they probably make it. My favorite that day was the chocolate peanut butter pie, while my husband preferred the peach crumb variety.

Home-cooked favorite comfort foods fill the menu. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes, fried chicken, slow-cooked roast beef and gravy over bread and mashed potatoes, and the ever popular chicken and gravy over homemade biscuits, are just a few of their offerings. The homemade chili is a staple, and there is always a soup-of-the-day along with other daily specials. If comfort food isn’t your thing, maybe the seafood specialties or even a Porterhouse steak might be what you’re looking for. And don’t forget, breakfast is available anytime.

Many entrees are available in lunch and dinner portions and prices, as well as ‘full course’ which includes dessert. When I can enjoy homemade meals at such great prices, I think I’ll save myself the time and trouble and take the family back for dinner!

Bottom Line: The exterior of Schmucker’s might not be overly inviting, but you’ll feel like part of the family the minute you step in and grab a seat. Taking the crew out for a good meal doesn’t have to come in a box or break the bank. At Schmucker’s food is good, the portions are generous, and the prices are great.

Karen Zickes is a mom of three active children and freelance writer who resides in Holland. She can be reached in c/o [email protected].

Born entrepreneur

Brittany Adams

October 29, 2012

Business owner and entrepreneur Julie Anne MacKinnon was enterprising even as a kid. She remembers one childhood business: she and her brother would gather golf balls that landed in their family's yard, clean them, and sell them back to golfers at the nearby course. “We were always trying to make money,” she says. A hard worker throughout college, she took up many odd jobs — some of them very odd, like pulling a rickshaw in downtown Toronto! That same enterprising nature lead her to start locally-based daycare company Kidz Watch.

To feel more at-home, the Canadian-born businesswoman explains that the original Kidz Watch location on Central Avenue was chosen “because Tim Hortons [a Canadian coffee-shop staple] was out front.” Ten years ago, Julie started the business with a modest loan from her mother. The business has bloomed in the past decade — Julie's independence and drive has turned a small loan into a million-dollar company. “We really bootstrapped it,” she says. Two Kidz Watch locations are now up and running in the Northwest Ohio area with a franchise in Cincinnati. The business is innovative in the daycare industry because it has “drop in” availability for parents in a last-minute squeeze, as well as traditional preschool options. The business also includes DropInChildCare.com, an online consulting wing through which Julie has helped start daycare centers around the country. She sees daycare as an industry which has gone through an evolution in recent years and has room for innovative businesswomen like herself.

Julie's passion for helping people, especially kids, is at the heart of her business. She has always been interested in early childhood education, as she worked at camps, taught, and served on school boards. Even with her busy schedule as a business owner and consultant, Julie makes sure to keep connected to her daycare center. “Even though I'm not in the center every day, the kids all know who I am — they all come running up and give me big hugs,” she says.

Although rooted in Sylvania, the MacKinnons are constantly on the move. “We are not normal,” Julie jokes. Her husband is a travelling hockey scout and is back and forth from the Detroit airport. Her son is a hockey player, and her daughter is a figure skater. Her kids have taken a cue from their mom. “They've been asking me for a job!” she says.

Julie admits that being a mother and an entrepreneur can be challenging, but she wouldn't have it any other way. “I don't think that I could ever work for anybody,” she says. She has advice for other businesswomen who are just starting out: “Be persistent and do what you believe. A lot of places, especially now with the way the economy is, say 'no' and won't give you loans. You have to look to alternative sources. Don't give up on it at all, because there are different ways to get things done.”

Ask the doc

Toledo Parent Staff

October 29, 2012

Q: Why are food allergies so prevalent in children these days? They seemed so uncommon before and now being allergic to peanuts or gluten is the new norm!
A: Doctors believe that the increasing incidence of inhalant (airborne) and food allergies is due to the “hygiene” theory. In the US, our living environment has become too clean. Kids don’t play out side in the dirt as much, preferring to stay inside and play video games. We use anti-bacterial soap and disinfectants. We eat processed food. All of this reduces our exposure to naturally occurring bacteria, fungus and viruses that we once used to face, which would stimulate a child’s immune system to learn, adapt and grow stronger. If our immune systems are not properly stimulated, then it becomes more difficult for our bodies to differentiate between natural yet safe things like peanuts or ragweed from dangerous bacteria, viruses or fungus. Our bodies can become confused and mount an immune response to the wrong thing, a hyperactive response which we call allergies.

Q: I hear so much about neti pots. What are they, and who should use them? Do they actually work?
A: Neti pots are basically a way to flush out your nose using a small teapot filled with salt water. I definitely recommend giving the inside of your nose a rinse, especially if you are prone to allergy or sinus problems. Use distilled, purified or boiled water mixed with salt. Let the boiled water cool to room temperature (believe me, I’ve seen it all). The salt water moisturizes and cleans out the pollen and mucus in your nose, helping you breathe more freely and preventing nose bleeds too, especially in the winter.

Q: My nose runs often — especially when I’m laughing a lot or eating spicy foods. It’s not stuffy at all, but it is embarrassing! I’m considering taking an antihistamine, even though I don’t think it’s happening because of any allergy, per se. Is this safe?
A: A runny nose after eating spicy foods is perfectly normal. Taking an antihistamine before you go to your favorite Indian or Thai restaurant probably won’t help. Just make sure to bring a box of Kleenex and enjoy the curry.

Q: When I eat certain fruits, my mouth tingles. Am I developing an allergy?
A: Tingling in your mouth while eating certain fruit could be a sign of food allergy, if it is associated with swelling of your tongue, lips or throat. If so, my best advice would be to pick a different healthy snack.

Q: Is there a way I can prevent my child from developing allergies? I’m pregnant with my first child, and I am wondering what I can do to prevent a future problem from developing.
A: Simply, let kids be kids. Don’t be a “helicopter” parent that walks around with hand sanitizer spray and a bottle of Lysol. Let little Johnny get dirty. According to the ‘hygiene theory,’ Americans are too clean. Kids need to be exposed to the outside environment in order to build up a healthy immune system. I’m not saying “never wash your kids’ hands,” but let them play outside, roll around in the grass, pet the cat, and then take a bath.

Toledo Clinic ENT / Sinus Center of Excellence is at 5800 Park Center Ct., Ste. C. 419-574-9100. www.toledorhinoplasty.com.

A posy with a purpose

Mary Helen Darah

October 29, 2012

It seems as if my meeting Rose Ann, a.k.a. Posy, was somehow always in the cards. I am a believer in the notion that people come into your life for a “reason,” a “season” or a “lifetime,” and even though I met Posy just before her 89th birthday, I knew she was a “lifer.”

Posy is the dressing on a cold winter’s day; layers upon layers upon layers. She is a woman of philanthropy in staggering proportions. She has helped in acquiring treasures for the Toledo Museum of Art, purchased original book illustrations to delight children and grace the walls of the main branch of the Toledo Lucas County Public Library, founded the Blair Museum of Lithophanes (I would still be clueless as to what the heck a lithophane is if not for Posy), and delighted many a development director from her beloved University of Toledo to the opera with her generosity. This founder of Gateway Preschool (who still bumps into her former “kids” wherever we go) has opened her heart and her checkbook to those in need without blinking an eye. Yet this same woman spends HOURS deciding which of two blouses to purchase for herself at Steinmart, fights with me over the lifespan of items in her fridge and occasionally splurges on Irish butter even though it’s nearly four bucks a pound. Just when I thought I had her figured out, I was on the receiving end of a firm “Dearie what WERE you thinking?” upon my return from purchasing the smallest vodka bottle for Posy and her companions.

“This is why I don’t put my lovers’ contact info in my cell phone."

It blows my mind that a near-90-year-old downloads photos off her computer when my own mother’s tech savvy is limited to playing spider solitaire on her new laptop. Posy is “with it,” hip by any standard and loves to shock me with her keen wit. Once after venting about a gentleman I briefly dated invading my private text messages she said with a wink, “This is why I don’t put my lovers’ contact info in my cell phone.” Posy is also spontaneously adventurous. She quickly learned that if you express a desire to see your great-grandchildren me, a fellow cancer survivor, a “bucket trip” will surely follow. We loaded up my Ford DGE (it was an EDGE until my youngest backed into the mailbox and lost the “E”), with chocolate, water bottles, “The Hunger Games” book on tape, massive amounts of Advil and my 14-year-old exchange student from China and hit the road to our nation’s capital. Let me tell you, massive bonding occurs after spending hours in a closed vehicle, breaking only to visit turnpike restrooms.

Posy comes to mind when I think of the poem Nadine Stair wrote when she was 85. “If I had my life to live over, I would take more chances, I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets.” Our Posy does not need a “do over” life. She has lived life to the fullest with an “attitude of gratitude.” She has traveled to parts of the globe that I don’t know how to pronounce or find without a Google assist. There is a world map in her office where she and her beloved late husband Bob put thumb tacks (a.k.a. push pins *pronounced puuuush piins, to my Southern brother) to mark all the places they ventured. While helping her tidy up her desk (a daunting task when you are dealing with a sentimental freak of nature) we discovered photos of her on an ostrich, camel, elephant, gondola, and dune buggy. The woman was willing to ride anything (okay, that didn’t come out right, but you get the picture). Last year Posy, a two time cancer survivor, received the news that the disease had returned. She decided to brave surgery despite the concerns of many. She knew it would be a tough recovery but told me, “I’m not ready for it to end. I’ve had a grand time! I have much more living to do.” That she does, and when she finally leaves this world for her next big adventure, I’m sure my “Posy with a Purpose” will be waiting on the other side, cocktail in hand, hoping I have the courage to use up every blessing, every talent and every opportunity I have had at my disposal before joining her.

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