During the holiday season, the line between abundance and overindulgence is easily blurred as a parent’s wish for their children’s happiness and toy marketing crash together.
This creates an urge in parents to buy more, give more, says Jean Illsley Clarke, a nationally certified family life educator. “Children can learn to be unappreciative when they have too much,” says Clarke, co-author of “How Much is Enough?” To downsize your holidays with children, parents can encourage kids to participate in projects, rather than mandate it. Invite children on board by telling them this is the year to be reasonable about gift giving, and ask them for ideas for outings or projects, instead of presents,” Clarke says.
Get the kids involved
The holidays offer a wonderful time to get children involved in the decision-making process for the season.
“You can make a pledge with the family that no gifts will be put on a credit card and make a budget together,” Clarke advises.
As the economic crisis challenges many families, it’s an ideal year to get children involved with budgeting to help them realize they aren’t the center of the universe. The holiday season also brings an excellent time to clear out old toys, books and clothes that are no longer used, and give them to charities in need. “The values and experiences you want to emphasize this season might include generosity, appreciation, joy, togetherness, family, caring for those less fortunate and spiritual growth. You can ask questions that will help children focus on your values,” Clarke said.
Stopping the insanity
Stopping overindulgence in our children begins with saying ‘enough is enough’ to ourselves,” says Jill Rigby, author of “Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World.” Make this gift-giving season a true season of giving. Give more to others outside the family than you do to each other, serve those in need, as a way to open the hearts of children to others. “Sit down with your teenagers and explain this year you’re going to maintain your holiday budget,  rather than spend it all on each other,” says Rigby.
For teens
“Provide Christmas gifts, for example, to a family with teenagers.” Rigby echoes the sentiments of Clarke about encouraging children to be creative this year about spending time together, instead of giving presents.
“We are mistaken in our thinking as parents of teenagers that things are more important to them than time with us,” Rigby says. “In a recent survey, more than half of teens said they didn’t have enough time with their parents and family. Unplug your house. Sit face-to-face, rather than back-to-back, and reconnect with each other,” says Clarke. Activities to enjoy together in place of gifts can include caroling and sledding.
New traditions
“You can use the holiday season as a time to come together as a family,” she says. “Find creative ways of ‘gifting’ to each other and avoid giving too much and overindulging.”
Start a few new family traditions. Deliver surprise gifts to neighbors, make homemade bread, and invite friends of your teens over for a night at your house. “If you’ve overindulged in the past, don’t worry-it may take a little time for them to understand you’re taking your family in a new direction,” says Rigby.
Kim Seidel is an award-winning writer and editor in Wisconsin and is the mother of two daughters, ages 8 and 12. She and her husband have been married for 17 years.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I asked our 4-year-old son, Billy, if he wanted to go to a college hockey game. He said yes and we bought the tickets, excited to share this sport with him for the first time.

When it came time to leave for the game, though, Billy had changed his mind. He didn’t want to leave his new Rescue Bots, prized birthday presents. We were torn. Our son playing happily by himself was a big deal.

But, we had bought the tickets and put our game shirts on; we were going!

My husband and I value experiences over things. We enjoy visiting local pumpkin farms and apple orchards. We go to baseball games and shows at the Huntington Center. We take classes at the YMCA. We’re always trying to find new, exciting places to camp. And we take advantage of our amazing park system.

But Billy? We realized recently that despite our noble approach to parenting, we forgot our audience. He enjoys watching the river fish at the local hunting and fishing store as much or more than the exotic ocean fish at the Shedd Aquarium. He enjoys playing with my craft supplies more than painting his own pottery at a studio. He likes the escalator at the mall as much as the rides at the festivals we pack our summer with.

Even piling sleeping bags and pillows and blankets on the living room floor, popping popcorn in the microwave and watching “Despicable Me” for the 100th time is as cool to him as seeing a drive-in movie.

Those things, those basic things, seem boring to us. But we’re not 4. Everything is new to Billy. Every experience. Every trip to the grocery store. Every day at the park. It’s all an adventure.

We think, “Well, we’ve been to this park or that park 16 times, it’s lost its appeal,” but to Billy, it’s a new day, and the slide is calling his name.

We realized we don’t have to expand his world so quickly – he loves the one he knows, and isn’t done exploring it yet. Squeezing every last drop of joy out of it. The important thing to him isn’t where he is, as long as he’s with us.

Billy didn’t love the hockey game. He was excited to see where his dad and I had gone to college. He liked watching the kids his size ice skating before the game. He loved hearing the pep band and seeing the team’s mascots. But he was bored. The highlight of his weekend was playing with his dad’s hockey stick and a ball in the living room. Our living room. Not an ice arena. Not a fancy aquarium. Not a far-away campground. Our living room. It’s a lot more exciting to a 4-year-old than a “hasn’t-been-4-in-a-long-time-year-old”.
 

E-mail Amber at [email protected]

Amber was born and raised in northwest Ohio and credits her rural roots for her go-with-the-flow, relaxed approach to life – and parenting. While balancing family, friends, home, work and grad school, she still finds (some) time to read, write, camp and craft. She’s been blogging at www.starkravingcreative.com since 2006.