One Mom Embraces Sensibly Chic Swimwear
When I haul my kids to the local pool this summer, I’ll be sporting a new swimsuit. With sturdy straps and sensible seat coverage, it doesn’t resemble anything you’d see on a runway. No whimsical flight of poolside fancy, this baby is built to withstand ultra-chlorinated kiddie pools and over-zealous laundering. Jelly fingerprints and sippy cup mishaps are no match for the industrial-strength fabric.
It’s a mommy suit, and I’ll wear it with pride. When I slip on this wonder of engineering, I’ll join legions of other moms slapping on sunscreen and proffering towels in suits built for endurance, not style.
Changing Needs
I’ve been a bit reluctant in donning this mommy suit of armor (or is that Lycra?). I grew up lakeside, my shoulder etched with permanent tan lines from my swimsuit du jour. Most involved ruffles or sequins, preferably both. As a teen, I shed girlish tank suits and became a devoted fan of the two-piece. Bikinis suited my pear shape and showcased my still-flat midsection—one of my better features, in those days.
Sadly, I’ve learned that the pretty swimsuits of my youth aren’t built to withstand the pace of mom life. Like many of motherhood’s lessons, this one dawned slowly. My first inklings came after I spent several seaside afternoons sprinting after my toddler in a woefully unsupportive top. Need I say more? Soon after, I realized that my fashionable swimsuits were quite a bit of work. I was constantly adjusting my top and feeling up my own rear end for tactile evidence that my bottoms were still covering my bottom. Not pretty.
I knew change was in the air. That knowledge, however, was insufficient. It took a starring role in a peep show at toddler swim class to drive the point home.
One Saturday morning, I made the mistake of wearing a bandeau-style bikini to parent-child swim at the YMCA. Sporting a stretched-out old top in a pool full of wiggly kids sounds like a recipe for disaster, and it was: I inadvertently flashed the entire pool full of kids and their stunned parents when my top slipped down during the “jumping fish” song.
By the time I felt the breeze tickling my upper torso, it was too late to hide the damage from the extremely embarrassed dad standing five feet in front of me. Carefully avoiding all eye contact, I scraped together a few shreds of dignity, hoisted my top back to its rightful place, and swore to get a new suit, one better matched to my new station in life.
Function over fashion
These days, I’m approaching the world of swimwear with a new perspective. In the weary trenches of early parenthood, function trumps fashion. Any bikini matching the description itsy-bitsy or teeny-weenie doesn’t stand a chance in the chaotic world of the toddler pool. Suits designed to look good in a lounge chair require constant monitoring and repositioning, and moms can’t be bothered. We’re too busy monitoring and repositioning our kids.
Judging from the countless moms I’ve seen in near-identical suits, I know I’m not alone in my appreciation for sensible swimwear. Swimming with kids is no day at the beach; it’s grueling, hot, exhausting work. A mom at the pool is a mom in motion, and her swimsuit needs to stay in place even when she’s too busy to pay attention. That’s always.
Malia Jacobson is an award-winning parenting journalist and mom of three.
Her latest book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.
A Family Quilt of Core Memories
I sometimes see our family as a quilt and each memorable experience a piece of fabric sewn together as our collective memory. This summer we added a unique piece of fabric.
In June we traveled to New York City to visit my wife’s twin sister’s family and see their new daughter. It was a nice visit with equal amounts of family and sightseeing. But also planned into the vacation was a side trip to Great Barrington, Massachusetts, to visit a woman who had been a friend to my wife’s mother.
Special Delivery
The back-story on this visit goes to 1973. As a girl she had been told about a woman, Val, who helped her mother when she gave birth. At the time my mother-in-law was a single, pregnant woman working as a private duty nurse. She was caring for Val’s husband as he died of cancer. He passed away in the summer and my mother-in-law made his eternal exit comfortable. In return, Val was with my mother-in-law in the fall when she gave birth, giving comfort to a mother all alone.
My mother-in-law knew this woman for a short period of time – Val left the city shortly after the girls’ birth – but the memory of her kindness was passed to my wife and endured. When Val re-connected with my mother-in-law recently my wife was encouraged to go visit.
My wife contacted her and found an amazing connection. Like my wife, Val is an architect. She had taught at Columbia and Yale and lived in Paris working with her husband who had also worked with a world famous architect. The excitement and anticipation for this visit only grew at this point.
We planned to have dinner and spend the night with Val and maybe have a few stories in between. We hoped the kids would be okay in the home and not get overly bored and we hoped that whatever conversation there was about a connection over 40 years ago would sustain the evening. We got more than we planned.
We pulled into the gravel driveway next to Val’s pink clapboard home. We all approached the screen door and knocked. We had no idea what she looked like but when she appeared she seemed to fit our expectations. She was plump but not fat with short grey hair and a “kindly face” filled with the lines of life. She had an accent of a person who has a great command of English – each word is carefully enunciated – but definitely spoke other languages. She graciously welcomed us in to a dinner already warm and ready.
When we entered the kids found a home filled with – of all things – children’s books and toys. Val has grandchildren near our children’s age and has spent a life involved with the Waldorf school movement.
Sharing Life
As we sat and ate a new world opened to us. Val told us how her parents – from Holland and Germany – met in New York City in 1928. How their common interest was a shared experience in Brazil. She told us of gaining a Fulbright scholarship in the 1950’s and living in Germany studying architecture. The streets of Paris came alive as she told us of how she met her husband; they formed an architecture office together; worked on a project in Morocco and ultimately moved to New York.
She also told us of the pain of the loss of her husband and the great joy of helping a woman bring two new lives into the world.
The next morning we left feeling as though we had experienced a great adventure and gained a new and wonderful friend. We said our goodbyes and headed out.
About an hour later my wife turned to me and said: “We didn’t get a picture.”
“Well, it looks like we have to come back,” I told her.
I look forward to returning for that picture and we appreciate the new piece of fabric she has given us.
The Kids and Cell Phones Dilemma
As parents, we want to keep our children safe, and cell phones seem to promise to do just that. But at what age does a child become responsible enough to be able to handle all that might go along with a cell phone, like texting, the Internet, minutes and charges, manners and more? And what guidelines do you need to have in place before handing over that phone?
Some parents are dead set on their pre-teen not having a cell phone. Jennifer McClure, mom of three, makes the point, “Until they or their classmates are old enough to drive, they shouldn’t be stranded anywhere, because some adult should be with them. So why would they need a cell phone?” It would seem that few elementary age children are responsible enough to be able to handle a cell phone. To combat some of the bigger problems, you can get a phone without Internet access or texting services, and it can also have set minutes and a tracking device.
All families are different, though, and face different circumstances. Suzanne Andrews, mom of four, says, “I think kids ‘need’ cell phones either when they start driving or if their family situation is such that they or their parents are difficult to reach.” Divorced, single or working parents, for instance, like to make sure their child has a way to reach them at all times, no matter how young the child.
Shelley Ryan, mom of two teens, says, “All depends on the kid and what they do. Both of my kids have had jobs/volunteer gigs long before they could drive (and before they were teens), and both had phones so they could call when they were ready to be picked up or had a change of plans. I also like them to have a phone if they go somewhere on foot or on a bike without a parent. It gives them a little more freedom to go out into the world on their own.” It also gives them a sense of independence and they don’t have to seek out an adult and ask to use their phone.
But parents, beware! Chris Oliver, mom of one and middle school counselor, says, “Take it from a woman who spends every working day with 800 adolescents, you need to monitor your child’s texts. And regarding the camera attached to that phone: nothing good is going to come of that!”
Here are some rules and issues you could discuss with your child to ease her into a cell phone instead of turning it immediately into a huge responsibility and potential problem:
Responsibility — A cell phone comes with a lot of baggage! It needs to be charged, kept out of reach of younger children … not be lost. There’s also the factor of younger kids possibly not being able to use good judgment or understanding with things like inappropriate texts/use of the camera, the financials of a cell phone, Internet service, etc.
Cost — Make sure your child understands the financial picture involved with a cell phone. If they have a prepaid phone, they can see how many minutes they have left and need to understand how much those minutes cost. If you get a set number of minutes to include texting for your child, check your account online weekly to make sure your child isn’t going over minutes and costing you hundreds of extra dollars. Make sure your child knows that things like games, ring tones, sending pictures and Internet time can cost extra and have them pay you back for overages.
Safety — Be sure to find out and talk about the law in your state concerning texting or talking on the phone while driving and some of the consequences that have happened to other kids because of doing so.
Model being prepared — Always have backup phone numbers in case your child loses his cell phone, it dies, or your child does not answer (or if your child is grounded from his phone). Make sure you have numbers for coaches, schools, friends, the parents of your child’s friends, etc.
Manners — Kids should know basic telephone manners no matter where they are. Kids sitting in the same room text each other. Keeping them from other activities and from spending time with family members. And no phones at the dinner table, whether it be at home or a restaurant.
Consequences — Be prepared to take the phone away if your child misuses the privilege of having the cell phone. Examples would include texting inappropriate pictures of themselves or others to friends or classmates, using the phone as a way to cheat on tests at school, making prank phone calls, bullying or visiting inappropriate web sites.
Kerrie McLoughlin’s five kids range in age from 4-13 and so far none of them has a cell phone.
Check ’em out at TheKerrieShow.com.
When Loud Noises and Bright Lights Hurt
Most children have a sensory issue or two, such as hating loud fireworks or feeling clothing tags rubbing, that are simple annoyances. But for children with sensory processing disorder, these issues prevent them from functioning in everyday life, to the point of feeling anxiety and depression. The Sensory Learning Program offered by Dr. Jeffrey G. Schmakel, O.D. at Toledo Eye Care, can provide relief from these symptoms.
Sensory processing disorder, a condition where the brain has problems interpreting information gathered by the senses, can affect one or several senses, and people can be over or under-responsive to these senses. It can be present with a diagnosis of Autism, Asperger’s and ADD/ADHD, but it can also happen as a result of a stroke or traumatic brain injury. Dr. Schmakel’s program is open to everyone regardless of label or diagnosis.
The Sensory Learning Program was founded by Mary Bolles, and Dr. Schmakel brought it to Toledo in 2008. Since then, 350 participants from age 18 months to 76 years have gone through this 30-day, drug-free, non-cognitive therapy program.
The program uses light, sound and motion simultaneously to stimulate the brain to create new neural connections to help process sensory information. As a result of the program, participants have improved attention and concentration skills and more general awareness of the world around them. They can then begin other cognitive therapies that require patient participation to be effective.
Margie Hunter B.S. Ed., program administrator, said “It’s not an end or solution, it’s just a piece to work with other therapies.”
Toledo Eye Care is located at 3454 Oak Alley Ct., Suite 202.
For details about sensory integration therapy and general optometry services, please call 419-578-0057 or find them on Facebook at
www.facebook.com/sensorylearningtoledo.