My two oldest children have just gotten to the age where I find myself spending more time in the car than I would like shuttling them back and forth between here and there. Friends told me this day would come. They said, “Enjoy the time at home when they’re little because once they get school-aged you’ll be spending most of your time in the car.” Well, they were right and for someone who considers herself a road-rage wreck, this is not good.

I knew I had to figure out a way to make this time in the car a more productive one. Yes, I still catch up on phone calls but I don’t typically like to have my phone near me in the car; it’s too much of a distraction and frankly, it’s just not worth the risk of getting into an accident. I started thinking outside of the box for things my kids and I could do in the car while we waited in car lines and attempted to get from point A to point B when everyone else in our town had the same idea. So, it all started with a bag of birthday blowers. You know, the ones you blow into and a tubular paper comes straight out making a loud noise with it. Yes, exactly the ones you’re thinking of from New Year’s Eve. Start with those and see what happens. I bet your car ride is much more fun tomorrow. Once you’ve tried those, give these next few ideas a try and see if you can’t turn that frown upside down.

1. Dance parties in the car can still take place sitting down.

Turn the music on or better yet, play a CD that you know your kids like to dance to and encourage them to sing their hearts out. With songs averaging 3-4 minutes apiece, an entire CD will get you through at least one way and then you can play a new one on the way home. This type of fun gets everyone involved and will even put a smile on those not so “morning” attitudes that can throw us curveballs.

2. Highs and Lows.

This is a great game and an important one to play, especially at the end of the day. Ask each of your kids what their high and low was for the day. High means the best thing that happened (movie at school) and Low means something they’d prefer not to deal with again or a situation they would like to do over (someone hurt their feelings). Not only do these questions get your kids thinking, but it gets the parent and child communicating. Even if your son doesn’t feel like talking or says he can’t think of anything, say, “Okay, well, when you’re ready, I’d love to hear it. I’ll tell you mine first.” And then go ahead and tell him what yours were. Keep your “Low” age appropriate for them but do share if you’ve had a bad moment or disappointment during the day. This reminds your kids that you’re human too!

3. The Alphabet Game.

You might remember this one from road trips you’ve taken in years past. Tweak the game a little bit and see if your child can find the letter and then tell you what the word says. For example, “Hannah, tell me when you find the letter ‘B’ and then tell me what the word spells.” This is great for elementary aged kids who are learning how to read. For the younger ones, just have them spot the letters for you. It’s still fun and they’ll be encouraged to get through the entire alphabet.

4. Breakfast Bar.

Lately, we have all been eating our breakfast in the car. This is not something that I want to get accustomed to but there are some mornings when we just don’t have the time to all sit down at the table. The night before I know will be a busy next day, I will put my kids’ breakfast in little snack bowls and get their cups filled up and in the fridge so that I can just pull everything out in the morning. Think dry cereal, granola bars, yogurt drinks, muffins, and fruit. If you want a low-key commute in the morning that doesn’t involve a lot of screaming, yelling and whining, food is always the answer. Always. This is also true for the car ride home. Make sure you have snacks in your glove box at all times. Kids are always “starving” when they get of school and there’s nothing quite like a satisfied child and a full belly to get you guys geared up for the afterschool shenanigans of playing outside, homework, dinner and bedtime.

5. Encouraging Phone Calls.

As I said earlier, I sometimes use my commute time to make phone calls. What I didn’t say is that I am specific about who I call during that time. Ever heard the phrase, “Little ears are listening?” That’s right. Your kids are super close to you in the car and can hear what you’re saying even when you think they can’t or even when you assume they are not paying attention. I am intentional about this part of my day which is why I usually call my grandmother. I want my kids to hear me speaking words of encouragement into her ear just as much as I want them seeing me being poured into by her words of wisdom.

Embrace the car ride for what it is; something you have no control over and the next season of your life for which you can choose to turn into something productive. Get yourself ready for tomorrow’s car ride. It’s going to be a good one!

Parenting journalist Meagan Ruffing is just getting started with what she considers “an untapped market” for children and adults alike. She came up with this list after spending many hours in the car each day wondering how she could banish her road rage. Visit her at www.meaganruffing.com and sign up for her free monthly parenting newsletter. Like her on Facebook at writermeaganruffing and be on the lookout for her new book, “I See You” coming out this fall.

Time spent reading to one’s children is joyful and fun. But for parents who cannot read, or are not native speakers of the language used in the books, this joyful experience can, instead, be anxious and difficult.

It’s a familiar experience for several families of students at Toledo’s Queen of Apostles School, where parents cannot share books (or homework or teacher conferences) with their kids. They also experience problems dealing with health care professionals, bank personnel, store clerks and other service workers.

Help for the household

School principal, Sister Joselyn Weeman, met with representatives of two other community groups,  Adelante and Read for Literacy, to discuss ways to help her students and parents. Read for Literacy, with grants from the Toledo Community Foundation, Owens-Illinois, and the Andersons, helped create a program at the school to help Spanish-speaking parents learn to read, write, and speak English. The program, Creating Family Readers, gives support to those families who need help communicating with people outside their homes while providing them with confidence in reading and writing English.

Maira Galvan, whose parents spoke Spanish when she was a child, is the Director of the English Language Learners program that meets at the school Tuesday nights. She explains that the entire family, children included, are invited for dinner, then RFL volunteers and their guests work on English conversation. The meals are healthy meals— another way to educate the children—  featuring favorite family foods.

After dinner conversation

After dinner, the adults work with Maira to develop adult literacy, including training in parenting, life skills, resources to support reading, writing and listening, conversational skills and financial literacy. The children, divided by age ranges, work on homework with other RFL volunteers.  Younger children work with “reader friends” with puppets, books, cookies sheets and other tools. Older students work on skilled writing and reading exercises, and are encouraged to model reading for their younger siblings.

Preschoolers work with volunteers on early literacy activities, including alphabet recognition. The dialogic method encourages the child to “become the teller of the story,” creating dialog about the story and interaction when it is read out loud.

A strong beginning

Ms. Galvan reports that the program (in its second 12-week session) had great success. 80% of their families increased their reading scores, and 75% increased their writing skills. “I think they like that they are learning at their own pace,” she said, “and we find that adults feel more comfortable when they know their children are comfortable.”

Sister Joselyn echoes those sentiments. “Our teachers are so pleased to hear the children talk about the program. We are very grateful to Read for Literacy for helping our families. What a joy it was to see one of our moms read a story in English to her child for the first time!”

How can you tell if your child needs relaxation?

If your offspring’s behavior is driving you nuts, it is time to work on relaxation. Kids who are tightly wound can be exhausting; they might chronically overreact, demand constant attention, or seem like they are annoying you on purpose. Really, they are overwhelmed and need help to get grounded.

Why focus on relaxation instead of behavior management?

Rewards and consequences are important in parenting. However, they work best when a child is in a calm state, which educators refer to as “available for learning.” Anxiety impairs the brain, activating the fight-or-flight reactions and inhibiting communication and the ability to make plans, and solve problems. Stress also hampers impulse-control, making tense kids act defiant before they can consider the consequences.

Building up your child’s “relaxation muscle” will help her respond to the world more effectively. She will think more clearly, make more positive choices and grow more confident and resilient. Further, when you switch your focus from her failures to her wellbeing, your relationship with her will become more secure and productive.

Teaching relaxation will turn things around with your child now, and equip her to face stress wisely for the rest of her life. It will soften your daily battles, and ease your parenting stress.

How do you teach a child to relax?

It’s easy – just start providing soothing activities every day. Help your youngster tune in to the way her body feels while she plays. With regular practice, she will begin to recognize and cultivate the feeling of calm. Her chronic stress will begin to fade, and she will feel and function better.

Start playing with the Eight Soothing Stimuli listed below. Let your child experiment and decide how long to play. Notice what works for her. Week by week, watch for a shift in her behavior: more smiles, yeses, and “I can” attitude. Tell her how much you enjoy these relaxing moments with her, and compliment her when she shows calm in other situations. Don’t forget to pat your own back for creating and maintaining this beneficial space in your busy life.

1. Physical Exertion

– Biking, hiking, jogging or tag
– Climbing, wrestling or tug of war
– Pulling a loaded wagon, sled, or blanket
– Piggyback rides or wheelbarrow races
– Bouncing on a trampoline or hoppity ball

2. Mindful Movement

– Yoga, dance, and martial arts
– Equipment that swings, spins or rocks
– Fast and Slow Game: Sprint on the spot for ten seconds, then lie still for ten. Repeat three times. Notice the changes in your breath and body.
– Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense your feet tightly for a slow count of ten, then relax for ten. Notice the difference in sensations, such as heaviness, heat, tingling, etc. Continue with legs, buttocks, stomach, shoulders, arms, hands, neck and face.

3. Breath Awareness

– Blow bubbles or dandelion fuzz, and watch them float away
– Blow through a straw to spread puddles of paint
– Blow on each other’s skin or hair
– Lie on your back with a toy on your belly, and give it a gentle ride up and down with deep breaths
– Take turns listening to your partner’s chest while she breathes deeply

4. Calming Food

– Eat mindfully, noticing how the food looks, feels, smells, sounds and tastes
– Prepare and eat fragrant produce or baked goods together
– Quietly drink thick liquids through a straw, or eat ponderously crunchy or chewy food
– Keep blood sugar and moods even with complex carbohydrates (like fruit and whole grains) and protein in every meal and snack.

5. Water

– Fill a sink or tray with water and add bubbles, toys, food coloring, etc.
– Run through the sprinkler; feel the contrast of hot sun and cool water
– Go swimming; paddle vigorously and float serenely
– Soak in a hot tub, bath, or splash pool
– Have a water fight, or cool off with a misting bottle

6. Sensory Play

– Bury hands in a dry bin filled with sand, rice, or beans
– Drive toys through a wet plateful of shaving cream, finger paint, or jello
– Practice copying each other’s rhythms with clapping, stomping, and instruments
– Play with pinwheels, sand or water timers, or a calming glitter bottle
– Close your eyes and guess objects by their feel, smell, sound, or taste

7. Music

– Burn off excess energy with fast, upbeat music
– Cultivate calm with lullabies, classical, folk, or reggae
– Play music in the background during playtime or chores
– Fall asleep to a mellow playlist
– Dance, sing, play along, or have a parade
– Listen quietly while cuddling or hiding out in a fort

8. Nature

– Romp around the playground
– Have a bug safari or outdoor obstacle course
– Make mud pies or a Fairy Garden
– Eat outside
– Skate, sled, or build a snowman
– Gather tidbits for crafts, or sketch interesting specimens
– Go camping or tent in the backyard

Now, go ahead and start teaching Relaxation 101 for your child. It is going to be fun! Gentler moods and powerful life skills are on the horizon for your family.

Laurie loves doing yoga videos with her high-intensity preschooler. She thanks Bob Marley’s music for saving her when she feels like putting the kids on Craigslist.

Time spent reading to one’s children is joyful and fun. But for parents who cannot read, or are not native speakers of the language used in the books, this joyful experience can, instead, be anxious and difficult.

It’s a familiar experience for several families of students at Toledo’s Queen of Apostles School, where parents cannot share books (or homework or teacher conferences) with their kids. They also experience problems dealing with health care professionals, bank personnel, store clerks and other service workers.

Help for the household

School principal, Sister Joselyn Weeman, met with representatives of two other community groups,  Adelante and Read for Literacy, to discuss ways to help her students and parents. Read for Literacy, with grants from the Toledo Community Foundation, Owens-Illinois, and the Andersons, helped create a program at the school to help Spanish-speaking parents learn to read, write, and speak English. The program, Creating Family Readers, gives support to those families who need help communicating with people outside their homes while providing them with confidence in reading and writing English.

Maira Galvan, whose parents spoke Spanish when she was a child, is the Director of the English Language Learners program that meets at the school Tuesday nights. She explains that the entire family, children included, are invited for dinner, then RFL volunteers and their guests work on English conversation. The meals are healthy meals— another way to educate the children—  featuring favorite family foods.

After dinner conversation

After dinner, the adults work with Maira to develop adult literacy, including training in parenting, life skills, resources to support reading, writing and listening, conversational skills and financial literacy. The children, divided by age ranges, work on homework with other RFL volunteers.  Younger children work with “reader friends” with puppets, books, cookies sheets and other tools. Older students work on skilled writing and reading exercises, and are encouraged to model reading for their younger siblings.

Preschoolers work with volunteers on early literacy activities, including alphabet recognition. The dialogic method encourages the child to “become the teller of the story,” creating dialog about the story and interaction when it is read out loud.

A strong beginning

Ms. Galvan reports that the program (in its second 12-week session) had great success. 80% of their families increased their reading scores, and 75% increased their writing skills. “I think they like that they are learning at their own pace,” she said, “and we find that adults feel more comfortable when they know their children are comfortable.”

Sister Joselyn echoes those sentiments. “Our teachers are so pleased to hear the children talk about the program. We are very grateful to Read for Literacy for helping our families. What a joy it was to see one of our moms read a story in English to her child for the first time!”

My two oldest children have just gotten to the age where I find myself spending more time in the car than I would like shuttling them back and forth between here and there. Friends told me this day would come. They said, “Enjoy the time at home when they’re little because once they get school-aged you’ll be spending most of your time in the car.” Well, they were right and for someone who considers herself a road-rage wreck, this is not good.

I knew I had to figure out a way to make this time in the car a more productive one. Yes, I still catch up on phone calls but I don’t typically like to have my phone near me in the car; it’s too much of a distraction and frankly, it’s just not worth the risk of getting into an accident. I started thinking outside of the box for things my kids and I could do in the car while we waited in car lines and attempted to get from point A to point B when everyone else in our town had the same idea. So, it all started with a bag of birthday blowers. You know, the ones you blow into and a tubular paper comes straight out making a loud noise with it. Yes, exactly the ones you’re thinking of from New Year’s Eve. Start with those and see what happens. I bet your car ride is much more fun tomorrow. Once you’ve tried those, give these next few ideas a try and see if you can’t turn that frown upside down.

1. Dance parties in the car can still take place sitting down.

Turn the music on or better yet, play a CD that you know your kids like to dance to and encourage them to sing their hearts out. With songs averaging 3-4 minutes apiece, an entire CD will get you through at least one way and then you can play a new one on the way home. This type of fun gets everyone involved and will even put a smile on those not so “morning” attitudes that can throw us curveballs.

2. Highs and Lows.

This is a great game and an important one to play, especially at the end of the day. Ask each of your kids what their high and low was for the day. High means the best thing that happened (movie at school) and Low means something they’d prefer not to deal with again or a situation they would like to do over (someone hurt their feelings). Not only do these questions get your kids thinking, but it gets the parent and child communicating. Even if your son doesn’t feel like talking or says he can’t think of anything, say, “Okay, well, when you’re ready, I’d love to hear it. I’ll tell you mine first.” And then go ahead and tell him what yours were. Keep your “Low” age appropriate for them but do share if you’ve had a bad moment or disappointment during the day. This reminds your kids that you’re human too!

3. The Alphabet Game.

You might remember this one from road trips you’ve taken in years past. Tweak the game a little bit and see if your child can find the letter and then tell you what the word says. For example, “Hannah, tell me when you find the letter ‘B’ and then tell me what the word spells.” This is great for elementary aged kids who are learning how to read. For the younger ones, just have them spot the letters for you. It’s still fun and they’ll be encouraged to get through the entire alphabet.

4. Breakfast Bar.

Lately, we have all been eating our breakfast in the car. This is not something that I want to get accustomed to but there are some mornings when we just don’t have the time to all sit down at the table. The night before I know will be a busy next day, I will put my kids’ breakfast in little snack bowls and get their cups filled up and in the fridge so that I can just pull everything out in the morning. Think dry cereal, granola bars, yogurt drinks, muffins, and fruit. If you want a low-key commute in the morning that doesn’t involve a lot of screaming, yelling and whining, food is always the answer. Always. This is also true for the car ride home. Make sure you have snacks in your glove box at all times. Kids are always “starving” when they get of school and there’s nothing quite like a satisfied child and a full belly to get you guys geared up for the afterschool shenanigans of playing outside, homework, dinner and bedtime.

5. Encouraging Phone Calls.

As I said earlier, I sometimes use my commute time to make phone calls. What I didn’t say is that I am specific about who I call during that time. Ever heard the phrase, “Little ears are listening?” That’s right. Your kids are super close to you in the car and can hear what you’re saying even when you think they can’t or even when you assume they are not paying attention. I am intentional about this part of my day which is why I usually call my grandmother. I want my kids to hear me speaking words of encouragement into her ear just as much as I want them seeing me being poured into by her words of wisdom.

Embrace the car ride for what it is; something you have no control over and the next season of your life for which you can choose to turn into something productive. Get yourself ready for tomorrow’s car ride. It’s going to be a good one!

Parenting journalist Meagan Ruffing is just getting started with what she considers “an untapped market” for children and adults alike. She came up with this list after spending many hours in the car each day wondering how she could banish her road rage. Visit her at www.meaganruffing.com and sign up for her free monthly parenting newsletter. Like her on Facebook at writermeaganruffing and be on the lookout for her new book, “I See You” coming out this fall.