Primped out

. June 21, 2013.

I tried not to panic as my 15 year old emerged from her room to report that she was unable to attend school because of a waxing malfunction.  Being a light-haired woman, I tried valiantly to relate to my little Mediterranean-looking furball as I assessed the damage. She attempted to “borrow” her sister’s hot waxer and use it on her eyebrows, arms and some region where it is still too early in the morning to mention.  She did not wait for the wax to cool, so you can only imagine what she looked like. 

I allow my children one “mental health day” per semester.  I started this because my other two daughters are academic machines.  I found it helpful for them to learn to express themselves when they were experiencing overload and to chill out.  The baby of the family is in a constant state of “chillness” and certainly does need a free day, but I need to be consistent.  I have informed her she is currently banned from anything involving a cord until further notice.

I come from a long line of “primping”-challenged women.  My mom bought an eyelash curler and neglected to insert the protective pad in the device before use. Her attempts at longer lashes resulted in a rather scared “freakish” look as her poor little “nubs” grew back. My Gram had the brilliant idea of soaking her infected earlobes in Methiolate, a bright orange liquid put on wounds back in the 70s, that has a mercury content that could explain some of my family’s behavior.  Her pumpkin-colored ears didn’t fade for months.

After completing four rounds of chemo, I was ecstatic to discover little sprouts emerging out of my baldness.  The wig I wore felt as if I had an unruly rodent nesting on my head. I couldn’t wait to give it the toss. I darkened my new growth with mascara to make it appear “fuller”. Great concept if you live in an area abundant with sunshine.  As I walked to my meeting on a typical drizzly day in Toledo, I was unaware of the dark streaks that were making their progression down my forehead. 

Why do we do it?  The straightening, curling, plucking, perming, shaving, exfoliating, conditionin. Maybe this should be the year, we as woman, liberate ourselves from a life of devices and potions and rely on our intelligence and wit to see us through our journeys.  A girl can dream.  I am off to get some aloe for the “waxed wonder” and pray that she doesn’t find my electric razor in my absence.