" Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. " – Ambrose Bierce
I had always known I wanted kids. Four to be exact. I remember being pregnant with my oldest son, Austin and dreaming of this perfect, beautiful little boy to hold. Came out with these big blue eyes and head full of thick black hair and was just the sweetest,happiest most cuddly baby you'd ever hold. He kept growing into this gorgeous kid but at the same time growing out of my arms and my lap and to my surprise my boy went and got his own personality, complete with attitude and all !! They don't stay happy and cuddly forever ?! Everything you say and do is wrong and uncool ?? Okay, who do I speak to about not getting that memo ?!
This is when the words start flying. "You're SO mean!!" or "This is SO unfair!" and the worst (usually popping out of the mouths of teens) "I HATE you !!" I have 2 sons 14 and 11 years of age and a 4 year old daughter. (never did get to that 4th one) I think I've heard all those come out of their mouths at some point and any parents first reaction is to dish out some sort of punishment if they haven't already. Doors are slammed and its over.
Then, the dust settles. You have time to clear your head and you ask yourself that famous question "Did I do the right thing ?" "Does he really hate me ?" and we begin to second guess ourselves. Who is to say what is the right thing ? Kids do not come with instructions. I suppose we could all turn to that perfect parent for advice….oh wait…..they don't exist ! Wonder if Siri can help. Is there an app for this parenting stuff ??
Suddenly in those moments of feeling guilt I remember I was that teen that "hated" my mom at one point. I'd sit in my room telling all my friends how life was so unfair without being able to watch TV in my room for a week ! Their moms were so much cooler because they got to stay out til 10 pm on a school night and never had to call home to check in ! At that point you had no clue that your parents were teaching you a lesson and punishing you because they love you and want the best for you. No way because that would have made sense and made our parents right ! You were simply angry because you didn't get your way. What kid wants to admit that ?!
So whats next ? We can open that bedroom door with the angry kid inside and explain that his Xbox is being taken out of his room for a week because were teaching him something super important !! Lets face it…..it wont stick. Right now, if you're the "mean mom" be content with that. You're also the mom who cares, the mom who wants to teach them right from wrong, the parent you want them to become when they have children of their own. Sure giving in and letting them have their way would end the battle and you'd get a handmade "mom of the year" award BUT what is that teaching them ?
I was once told by a counselor that children will lash out at the one person who will always forgive them and love them unconditionally. Guess what, that's you !! Although those hurtful words they throw around break our hearts but they're words spoken from their anger,not their hearts. They love us and trust us and we should never second guess that. Bottom line is we're all going to make mistakes as parents and our children are going to test us because that's their job ! All you can do is your best but one thing I always remember is to be a PARENT first, friend second. Anything worth having doesn't come easy !!
Tiffany lives in Oregon,Ohio. She's a stay at home mom of 3 kids. Austin, Brandon and Peyton. She keeps it real, she's not one to sugarcoat and I'm always honest. Tiffany love sharing my experiences with people good or bad and hearing about others as well. Keep up with her blog at Tiff's Theory.
E-mail Tiffany at firstname.lastname@example.org