Lucas County Children Services (LCCS) is offering two pre-service training sessions for families and individuals interested in foster care and adoption. Tuesday and Thursday evening classes run from September 7 through October 19 from 6 – 9 p.m., and there is an accelerated Saturday session running October 2 through November 20 from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. The classes are free and are a requirement to adopt or become a foster parent. LCCS is actively looking for loving and stable homes for teens; children with behavioral, developmental, or physical disabilities; and groups of three or more siblings. For more information, call 419-213-3336 or visit www.lucaskids.net.
On the day you were born
The happiest and most important days in every parent’s life are those on which their children are born, and to document this little addition to the world, every child receives a state-issued birth certificate. But the Ohio Department of Health is moving away from a standard certificate and is offering three new commemorative heirloom birth certificate styles. Parents can now choose a native Ohioan design, a newborn design that has a place for the baby’s footprints, or a style featuring a depiction of the statehouse lawn. The traditional design highlighting the achievements of famous Ohioans is still available. Each heirloom birth certificate is printed on quality 8.5 by 11 inch paper with a raised seal and costs $25. Proceeds from the heirloom birth certificates benefit the Ohio Family and Children First (FCF) initiative. To preview the new designs, visit
www.odh.ohio.gov. For more information on FCF, visit www.fcf.ohio.gov.
Expectations Matter
When I was pregnant with my son Oliver, I had certain expectations about what motherhood would be like. The first day home from the hospital we would snuggle in bed all day, contentedly staring into each other’s eyes. When he cried I would gently rock him back to sleep. Our weekends would be spent gallivanting around the city with dad, checking off activities on our long list of “fun firsts.” And at night, I’d rub lotion onto his cute, dimpled bottom, and like the baby in the Johnson’s lotion commercial he’d look at up at me with admiration and awe thinking, “gee mom, you’re the best!”
A week after our hospital departure, as I sat crying on the floor with a screaming baby, a mixture of snot and puke running down my pajamas, and an apartment that looked like it was ready to be on an episode of Hoarders, the picture perfect image came crashing down and reality hit me for the first time. And then it hit me again. And again. And again. Over and over until I had to admit motherhood was nothing like what I imagined.
My insecurities and self-doubt lurked beneath the surface slowly eroding away my confidence. Why couldn’t I always calm my crying baby? Why couldn’t I muster up the energy to leave the apartment let alone gallivant around the city? Why wouldn’t snuggles and kisses and lotion massages just make everything okay? What was I doing wrong?
The simple answer, which wasn’t so simple to accept, was I was doing nothing wrong. My expectations were so unrealistic that I could be doing everything right and still not wind up with the fairytale experience I imagined. The post pregnancy world of my dreams was orderly; I was always in control, and things happened according to plan. I forgot to factor in how unpredictable a newborn can be. It turns out that babies don’t do anything on command. They only loosely follow schedules, and all those baby books that emphasize appropriate developmental milestones, apparently my baby never read them.
Beyond being unrealistic, my expectations were counterproductive to my own happiness. I spent so much time those first few months fixated on how I wasn’t getting the motherhood experience I wanted that I missed out on a lot of great moments. Instead of chalking up Oliver’s quirks to his unique personality, I spent hours scouring the Internet trying to diagnose the “problem.” Instead of taking time to slow down and enjoy the present, I was fantasizing about the future and wishing time would speed up. Instead of allowing a relationship to develop with my son, I became frustrated that bonding wasn’t instantaneous.
I had to endure a lot of guilt, resentment, and disappointment before I began to see how harmful my unrealistic expectations were. But once I did, my perceptions of motherhood slowly changed. Frustration gave way to acceptance. Obstacles became opportunities. And all of the “would be, could be, should bes” surrendered to what really is. Changing my expectations altered my perceptions, which in turn affected my experience. I finally started to enjoy my new role as mom.
Today I still make a conscious effort to adapt my expectations based on the circumstances. Sometimes I even let them go completely. And it tends to be in the moments where I expect absolutely nothing, that I experience the most joy.
Dana is the author of With A Baby In Tow and mother to human baby Oliver and fur baby Wiz. She is passionate about her family, running, writing, and baking. You can contact her at [email protected] or stop by Wildwood almost any day of the year, and you are likely to find her, Oliver, and Wiz blazing a trail.
Stage stars
Lisa Mayer-Lang, Toledo native, is the best kind of threat there is to musical theater: a triple threat. With acting, voice and dance talent to boot, Lisa landed her first job on the Fame and Musical Tour. It was love at first curtain call. But, twenty years and several stints on Broadway later, Lisa decided it was time to go back to her roots and pay homage to the schools that made it all possible for her. She now teaches at the University of Michigan and the Toledo Ballet, where she helps produce Broadway stars.
You did musical theater for 20 years, and a lot of shows in that time. Which was your favorite?
Carousel. I danced the role of Louise when I was 14, and that’s when I really got my first taste of musical theater. So when it came to New York, I knew the show, but the audition process was the hardest I’ve ever been through. Usually a show has two callbacks, but this show had six. There were a bunch of professional ballerinas, but they wanted people who could sing, dance and act. I could do all three. When I landed this show, I just knew — it was so rewarding. The cast was so talented.
Why did you decide to come back home and teach?
It was just time. We [Michael, my partner and I] wanted our girls to have family around — to have all that “normal stuff” we had growing up. When we came back, U of M called me because of my time on Broadway, and shortly after, the Toledo Ballet called. I knew it must be right.
Madeline Trumble, one of your former students, is coming to Toledo to perform as the star of Mary Poppins. How does it make you feel, knowing you helped her get there?
To even get into U of M’s theater program is like trying to get on Broadway — we get 1200 video auditions and 800 live auditions and only 18 to 20 students make it — so the ones that do are already extremely talented. But the fact that Maddie landed such a major play is amazing. I am so excited to take the class to see her next week.
What advice do you have for anyone hoping to break onto Broadway?
You’ve got to be a triple threat — a great dancer, singer and actor. The competition is so fierce. You have to be able to do everything.
Lisa Mayer-Lang's former student, Madeline Trumble, will take the stage as Mary Poppins Tuesday, February 26 through Sunday, March 3 at the Stranahan Theatre, 4645 Heatherdowns Blvd. For tickets, call 419-381-8851 or visit www.marypoppins.com/ticket/toledo-oh.
Ask the expert
Q I worry that my 10-year-old may have an eating problem. She often eats for pleasure, and it's hard for me to redirect her away from food. She is overweight for her age; I’m worried this will lead to a more severe binge cycle as she grows older. How can I guide her towards a healthier relationship with food?
As parents, the best way to guide our youngsters towards a healthy relationship with food is to have one ourselves. This means taking an anti-dieting approach that includes the promotion of fruits and vegetables as well as the inclusion of "snack foods" or "indulgent foods.” Binge cycles of eating usually form out of periods of deprivation — dieting — so I strongly caution against limiting her food intake. I encourage incorporating activity into her daily routines and trying to make it fun! If she is eating for "comfort" to avoid uncomfortable feelings or emotions, this could also be concerning and you may want to consult with a professional to address those emotions so that she does not develop an unhealthy pattern of eating whenever she is upset.
Q My daughter overeats when she is stressed out, then refuses to eat at mealtimes. She is a perfectionist who constantly compares herself to other girls. In my opinion, she sets unrealistic goals for herself. I try not to put any pressure on her. What are the symptoms of anorexia? How can I tell if her behavior is something to be concerned about versus normal teen angst?
Teens in our society are bombarded with unhealthy and unrealistic messages about dieting and body shape. While goal setting can be highly productive, it can become destructive if taken to extremes. Life is about balancing work, health, school, family and social life. If any one area becomes too emphasized, then a person will experience a loss in another area. Encouraging positive behaviors, recreational activities and a healthy social life can help perfectionists find balance. Adolescence is a time of finding oneself, developing independence and autonomy; however, this can be incredibly difficult in a school environment when conformity ensures acceptance. Highlight your daughter's unique strengths and abilities and introduce her to new things that may be fun and enjoyable so that she has the opportunity to relieve herself from internal or external pressures. Many perfectionists have a personality that can drive an eating disorder such as anorexia. Some symptoms to look for include significant weight loss (or failure to gain weight during the growing years), dramatic weight fluctuation, denial of hunger, a significant reduction of the amount or type of food eating, unusual rituals at mealtime such as cutting food into small pieces, and storing or hoarding food, among others. The River Centre Clinic hosts the Eating Disorder Support Network (EDSN) meeting on the first Thursday of each month as a free
resource to the public to learn more about eating disorders.
Q My teen is an advanced/ level 7 gymnast. I realize she is in a sport that is very weight conscious, but recently she has reduced her food intake and constantly checks the scale. Is this behavior part of being in a high stress sport or should I be worried?
It is concerning that your daughter is reducing her food intake, especially if she is burning calories through exercise. Athletes need to fuel their bodies, not deprive them. I encourage you to talk to her coach and get an understanding of messages that are being sent about dieting, weight loss, and performance. Many coaches are willing to help re-direct their players with positive messages about these concepts. Your teen’s “constant” scale checking is an unhealthy behavior and could lead to an obsession in which she judges herself by her weight. I suggest sharing your concerns with your daughter and seeking advice from a professional if the behaviors persist.
Symptoms to look for
• Significant weight loss (or failure to gain weight during the growing years)
• Dramatic weight fluctuation
• Denial of hunger
• A significant reduction of the amount or type of food eaten
• Avoiding eating, skipping meals
• Dieting becomes the most important part of the person's life
• Rigid eating patterns (only diet foods or foods that are perceived to be low in calories are consumed)
• Dividing food into "good" (fruits and vegetables) and "bad" (meats, sweets) categories
• Unusual rituals at mealtime such as cutting food into small pieces, moving food around the plate and disposal of food so that it will not have to be eaten
• Preoccupation with food, collecting recipes and cooking for others while finding excuses to avoid eating
• Storing or hoarding food
• Marked fear or anxiety before eating and guilt after eating
• Complaints of bloating and unusual fullness after eating small amounts of food
• Signs of self-induced vomiting (e.g. leaving the table immediately after eating in order to vomit)
• Signs of laxative abuse or diuretic abuse
• Excessive exercise to burn off calories
• Loss of menstrual periods
• Dry skin and swollen salivary glands
• Muscle spasm, numbness and tingling in the arms and legs
• Sore throat and erosion of tooth enamel caused by vomiting
• Social isolation, low self-esteem & depression
Every month, we feature an area professional to answer your questions in the Ask The Expert column. Send your suggestions for featured experts or questions to [email protected].