I have a leadership test. It’s pretty short, not too complex, and I apply it to every leader I know over and over and over. Leadership is a tough subject. We can confuse leadership with directing, dictating, being in charge or having more money. But I hold leadership to a higher standard because I think it’s more than that. When I meet a leader and try to discern if this is someone I want to follow, or would enjoy following,I ask these questions.

First: who’s on their team?
Meaning, who do they associate with, or surround themselves with?

Second: the closer you get to someone, does it get better or worse?
This one takes a bit more time, but it’s been so helpful. When you get to know someone, beyond first impressions and quick introductions, who are they? How do they act when no one else is around? What drives them? How do they handle conflict?

To me, when you figure out who people surround themselves with, and who they truly are as a person, then you know what kind of leader you are following. And the truth is, then you know what kind of person you are following.

As I think about this simple two question test, it strikes me that we can teach our children valuable lessons about how to find good friends, what to look for in role models and certainly, what type of person to become themselves. Now that we’re going back to school, settling into new rhythms and meeting many new people, let’s look at the questions from my leadership test and think about how we can give them to our kids to empower them to make good choices themselves and become the type of leader their peers want to follow.

1. Who is on your team?
It seems basic, but this is a difficult lesson to get through to our children. We are who we spend the most time with, right? So often in school age environments we base this on who is the funniest, who has the best style or who scores the most in a game. But how do we get our children to use different criteria? I think the most important factor here is who we lift up in front of them as the role models in our world. Do we love the star quarterback more than community leader in our neighborhood? Do we spend more time reading magazines about fashion than we do about important issues in our country? The more we lift up the true role models in our world, the more our children will become the true role models in theirs.

2. The More Someone Gets To Know You, Does It Get Better, or Worse?
People are always surprised when they get to know someone beyond the first meeting. For better or worse, we find out more and often are surprised. Either we had it wrong and are disappointed or we are increasingly impressed the more we see. Think about those first weeks in school. Kids want to posture, they want to be liked just like the rest of us. It is imperative that we teach our children to be themselves, right from the beginning. Introduce our true selves to our new classmates, our teachers, our coaches and anyone else who may be watching. Every one of those interactions have the potential to turn into a deeper and truer friendship, and when it does, we want our new friends to be pleasantly surprised.
These two questions have served me well in assessing leaders from every sector, including politicians. And, if we can help our children first apply this leadership test to themselves, we will have given them the ultimate gift as they go back to school and continue in their growth, the ability to not only figure out who a good leader is, but to also be one.

As the school year heats up and our schedules get busy, we might be more inclined to hit up the drive thru line or put in an order for carry-out. And if your budget might put the squeeze on dining out regularly at restaurants, don’t completely cross the option off of your meal-time menu. Eating out, even occasionally, can help kids develop communication skills and learn acceptable behavior in a public place.

Manners. Basic etiquette informs those around us that we’re sensitive to them and aware of our surroundings. Consistently practice manners around your family’s dinner table to lay the groundwork for eating out. Whether you choose to dine at the mall food court or a sit-down establishment, role model how to place a polite order.

Coach your youngster to say please and thank you when the server delivers beverages and food.If your vigilant pupil observes another’s lackluster manners, ask him how he’d conduct himself differently.

Speaking up. Just when you think your child doesn’t have volume control, her voice drops to a whisper when ordering a drink. Before the server arrives, discuss the menu choices and prep her about what to say. Remind her that because restaurants can be noisy, she should speak up in a clear voice while ordering.

Eye contact. When your child orders, remind him to look at the server. Eye contact denotes confidence and signals polite respect. The skill isn’t easy for many people, especially kids who are apprehensive about interacting with people they don’t know. With time, repetition and maturity, kids can develop this valuable skill.

Self confidence. Uncertainty is the root of fear. Start small, role model and practice. Preschoolers can order their own drinks (limit choices to ease decision-making) and work up to ordering a main meal. Encourage them to make specific requests like, “May I please have some ketchup?”

Got a kiddo who clams up when talking to adults? Avoid labeling him as shy. Instead place the order for him by saying, “You wanted the cheeseburger, right? What kind of cheese would you like?”

This gets him involved in the process. Eventually, he’ll grow more confident. Further support him by responding to questions that he’s unsure how to answer.

Social cues. Eating in restaurants helps kids recognize social cues like body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and boundaries. These non-verbals help us discern appropriate behavior in a particular environment.

For example you might say: “People talk quietly in this restaurant. We need to keep our voices down too so that we don’t disturb them.” Or “See how everyone is sitting down in their seats at their own table? We don’t run around or reach our hands across to other people’s booths because that bothers them.”

Self control. Dining out often requires kids to stay seated for longer periods of time than they do at home.

Set your family up for success by initially choosing kid-friendly places that don’t have long waits.

If possible, call ahead to put your name on the waiting list when headed to a popular spot or beat the rush by arriving early. Warn your waiter if you think you’ll need to make an early exit due to an unpredictable or tired toddler.

Patience. Waiting is tough for adults, but it can be excruciating for a hungry tot. Bring a light snack like crackers, apple slices or raisins that will help ease hunger pains. Pack activities like crayons, blank paper, chat packs and a deck of cards. Draw pictures, play I-Spy, tic-tac-toe, “Would You Rather…,” or a game of Old Maid to help pass the time.

Small talk. According to the Family Dinner Project, meal time conversation can help build a child’s vocabulary. Furthermore, eating out together fosters small talk skills and family connection. Ask each other questions. Discuss sporting events, the weather, the upcoming weekend or tell a humorous story.

Flexibility. Even if you’re packing up your meal early on your first few outings, keep trying. Restaurant experiences don’t always go smoothly. Kids may not like the food. They’ll complain, whine and express boredom during long waits. But over time, they’ll get better at going with the flow.

Remember, you’re treating your youngsters to more than dinner out. They’re indulging in essential, real-life social skills that they’ll (someday) be grateful you taught them.

Fun ways to practice manners

• Play pretend restaurant at home
• Dress up and have a tea party
• Get silly by goofily imitating bad manners your child exhibits
• For parents with strong stomachs: Have a “No Manners” meal (Might want to do this outside!)