If you have a naturally competitive child, one who must finish first, you know how tricky losing can be. Whether it’s a friendly game of backyard ball or a board game with family, how to be a good sport can be a hard thing to teach.

Before turning to team sports to help teach sportsmanship, consider your child’s age. Gail Masse, occupational therapist with Sylvania Special Needs Preschool, says that research indicates that team sports are generally geared for children ages 6 and older.

Preschoolers may be naturally competitive, but “if children are signed up before t hey are physically and emotionally able to manage the demands of team sports, the experience may leave all parties frustrated, and can turn the child off from the activity,” Masse explains.

If you have a Type-A, perfectionist child, the very idea of losing may be so intimidating that he avoids any task he can’t do impeccably. What can parents do to help kids learn how to face a daunting challenge and lose graciously?

Mentally preparing your child before a game can be helpful. If your child knows that “Go Fish” is a game of chance or that you only have three attempts to swing at the ball in baseball, he may be less surprised when he has to draw another card or he’s out after three strikes. It can also help remove a sense of unfairness or wrongdoing.

Learning to lose

Chris Platz, wellness director at Sylvania YMCA/JCC and mother of nine children ranging from age 6 to 22, adds, “Starting at an early age, it’s important to allow kids to lose when playing simple board games. Kids will inevitably get mad when they lose, but I try to have them look ahead to the next game.”

“If it’s a game of chance, I will usually encourage them to play another round. If it’s a game of strategy, I ask them what they could do differently next time. We learn best from our failures,” Platz continues.

What about those instances when a tantrum ensues and the child cannot hear our wise, thoughtful words?

Platz offers gentle and simple advice: “I typically advocate letting a child work through his or her feelings.”

Masse echoes this sentiment: “I think generally parents [have] to learn not to take it personally when their child gets angry about losing. It’s just an emotion that should be validated. ‘I can tell you are (sad, mad, or angry) about not winning the game today. Maybe you’ll win another time, just not today and [that’s] okay.’”

How to be a good at winning

It’s not only about teaching our kids how to lose; we must also teach them how to graciously win. Running around excitedly and screaming, “I won! I won!” won’t earn your child any friends, but it’s difficult to temper a child’s sincere pride and elation.

“Empathy is key,” Platz explains. “I always ask how my child would feel if the other team members acted like he/she was acting. I also stress that he/she will be most successful with the help of teammates. A goal with an assist is way cooler than one on your own.”

Even though it can be hard to see our children lose and endure feelings of defeat, it’s important to allow them to fail. After all, that’s real life. We are not all winners all of the time.

Instead, focus on other aspects besides triumph. Praise children for their teamwork, effort, dedication, support of others and perseverance. Those traits are more important than scoring points in a game that, after all, means very little in the grand scheme of things.

Dr. Sherri Thomas, a Bowling Green pediatrician, is the living embodiment of the old adage, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” When she was 34, despite having four young children, Thomas returned to college to pursue medicine. Years later, she is one of three developmental/behavioral pediatricians in the area and the residency director at Mercy Children’s Hospital.
“I had always had an interest in medicine. I started off as a medical assistant, and I stayed home with my kids for a couple years,” Thomas says. “I thought to myself, ‘If I don’t try to pursue medicine, I will never be satisfied. If I try and I can’t do it because I have four children, then at least I will know I tried.’”

Pursuing a medical degree while raising a family

Thomas began by taking undergraduate classes to meet admission requirements. After two years of part-time classes, she was accepted into medical school. “It all fell into place, one thing after another,” she says.

When Thomas began medical school, she and her husband, Chet, had four kids, then all still school age: Derek was 11; Manya, 10; Katie, 7; and Laura, 5. On top of juggling four kids, their school work, and their extracurricular schedules, Derek, who they had adopted at age 4, had special needs that required ongoing medical attention.

“My husband and I always wanted to do something bigger than ourselves— something that made a positive impact,” Thomas explains. “Before we settled down to have a family, we were volunteers in Alaska for three years. Our daughter, Manya, was born in Alaska, and when we returned in 1982, my daughter [was 6 months old].”

Expanding their family
through adoption

The Thomases desired to make family their primary focus once Manya was born, but they also wanted to continue their humanitarian work in some way. Their answer was adoption. “There were so many special needs kids who needed homes. We found Derek, who was just a few months older than Manya,” Thomas recalls.

Derek had substantial medical needs due to abuse from his biological family. He was taken by Child Protective Services at just 5 weeks old, but the damage was already done. Derek, who is legally blind, paralyzed on one side, and suffers from frequent seizures, was in foster care from infancy until the Thomases added him to their family.

“On our way back from picking Derek up from his foster parents, I found out I was pregnant (with Katie). Katie was 9 months old when the next child [Laura] was born. In five years, I had four children,” Thomas says with a chuckle.

Developing a professional niche

Once Thomas began working as a pediatrician, parents gravitated to her with their questions about and concerns with developmental issues.

“People in the community knew of Derek, and the people in our practice started coming to me with their questions. Because of Derek, I had experience with schools and intervening and knowing where some of the resources were,” Thomas reflects.
After 10 years of working as a general pediatric doctor, Thomas needed and wanted to know more about developmental and behavioral pediatrics, so she returned to school once again. Three years later, Thomas became one of the three specialized developmental/behavioral pediatric doctors in the area.

Sherri Thomas’ story reminds us that we are limited only by the stories we tell ourselves. It’s never too late to follow our dreams, and Thomas is living, laughing proof of that.

What’s your favorite activity to do with your family?
When the kids were young, camping. Now, we have family campouts once a year. The highlight of my year is to plan the family campout.

Best holiday memory you have from when you were a kid? Barbecues on the Fourth of July. My dad always grilled out and we could play outside and chase the fireflies.

What’s your go-to activity when you finally have a few minutes to yourself? Gardening when the weather is good. I’m currently teaching myself to knit.

Describe your life in five words or less. Active, thoughtful, focused.

What is your favorite Bowling Green hangout? Grounds for Thought, a bookstore and coffee shop.

Describe BG in three sentences? Small, friendly community. I like the small, local shops all along Main Street. I’d rather spend my money there as opposed to the large department stores.