Dealing with Divorce: How to Create a New Normal

By

-

May 31, 2018

Divorce, a reality for many couples, can be particularly difficult for children. Once parents break the news, it’s important to keep it simple with younger kids as they typically only want to know the basics—what the divorce means, that it isn’t their fault, and where they will live once things are finalized. High parental conflict can be damaging to any child, so it’s vital to set boundaries and shield them from heated arguments. Above all, maintaining a sense of calm is one of the best ways to provide a loving foundation when a child’s world becomes jumbled through a parental split.

Creating a new normal

“It’s common for family members to display a wide variety of emotions during a divorce, including sadness, fear, anxiety and even relief,” says Lori Christman, administrative court counselor at the Lucas County Common Pleas Court, Domestic Relations Division. “We find that children can do well with divorce. Our county requires parents of minors to participate in the Assisting Our Kids (A OK) Program which teaches do’s and don’ts for helping children through the process.”

Christman’s main goal is to support parents in presenting a united front whenever possible, especially when they aren’t feeling united. She also encourages moms and dads to seek counseling to help deal with the ongoing process of separation and to create a “new normal.”

Supporting your child

While younger children may be more likely to express their emotions during a divorce, older kids often pretend that everything is alright. “Many times they don’t want to talk about it,” says Joan Freeman, a family therapist. “It’s appropriate to let teachers and caregivers know general information about the divorce and custody arrangements. If a child is older, parents should ask if he/she wants to tell their coaches or friends’ parents.”

Freeman stresses that often younger children need to be reassured that they are loved by both parents, even though they all no longer live together. It’s important to be consistent with communication for tweens and teens. Moms and dads should use the same language to avoid confusion and set similar expectations for behavior in both households. In all situations, it’s vital for parents to speak to each other directly, not through their children.

While it’s normal for little ones to express sadness, older children may not want to talk about the divorce. Keeping lines of communication open encourages healthy expression of emotions. If parents notice their child becomes more aggressive or withdrawn, Freeman provides knowledgeable support in navigating the complicated process of divorce. “The most important thing parents can do is be present for their kids,” she says.

Divorce is a major life event; however, if parents can find a way to communicate civilly, the original family unit can continue to be a source of stability. Christman offers an essential reminder: “Parents are role models in everything, including the divorce. With time and consistent effort, the family can get through it and be alright.”

What’s Growing On: Grow a Rainbow

By

Sarah Emily

-

May 31, 2018

Ever wondered what it would be like to grow your own cucumbers, fresh thyme, mint, melons, and squash? Have you ever watched your kid taste a cherry tomato, right off the vine? Getting involved with a community garden or a local CSA (community supported agriculture project) can make these experiences a reality, at a reasonable cost. The Glass City has more than 200 community gardens and organic CSAs, so getting involved is easy. What are you waiting for? Let’s get growing.

Positive change

Community gardens allow folks to grow fresh, organic produce for their families. Many parents are making the choice buy organic produce to eliminate pesticides from family diets. Growing your own food provides peace of mind that it contains the highest amount of nutrition- fresh from the ground.

Any parent knows how hard it can be to encourage children to eat healthy. Involving your children in the growing season can get them interested in healthy food, and educate them to make better choices when it’s time for dinner. Introducing your family to other socially conscious neighbors can be a reward in itself. Meet new friends and watch your children learn from others as they dig, weed, water, and harvest. Meet up for a potluck picnic or story hour in the garden, or host an kid friendly event of your own. Dance party in the garden!

The positive environmental impact of community gardening is significant. Gardens turn unused vacant lots into peaceful green spaces. Join a garden and help plant pollinator friendly native herbs and flowers that feed honey bees, butterflies, moths, bats and birds. Rain barrels are often used to trap rainwater to reduce water consumption. Small efforts, on a local level, are as vital to our planet as those on a federal, or even global, level. “Be the change you want to see in the world” has always been a great motto to teach to children. Community gardening can help you to live those words today!

Tender love and care

Toledo Grows (TG), an non-profit organization responsible for overseeing the creation of over 100 urban gardens in our area. TG provides resources like tools, soil and seeds for community gardens, hosts educational talks with Master Gardeners, organizes an Annual Seed Swap and provides hands on education and job training for area youth and community garden organizers throughout the greater Toledo area.

In addition to assisting local urban gardeners, the Robert J. Anderson Urban Agriculture Center, TG’s headquarters, houses a large greenhouse and expansive three acre farm in downtown Toledo. There are many ways to get involved with Toledo Grows. Families can volunteer at the Urban Farm on Wednesdays, and staff can help connect you to a community garden in your area. TG also offers a CSA share where families can take home fresh produce by signing up for a membership, or stop by the Market Stand, Thursday 11am-3pm, during the growing season.

900 Oneida St, Toledo | Thursdays, 11a-3p

Food forest

Collingwood Garden is being converted into an edible ‘food forest’, providing nutritious food to the neighborhood. For the last several years, the gardeners have been working hard to create a natural, sustainable landscape, implementing sophisticated companion planting techniques. Families looking to volunteer can stop by the garden or contact the group on FB.

2472 Collingwood Blvd, Toledo

Uptown garden

Located in Toledo’s Uptown, the Manos Community Garden sprouted in 2011. The space is open to families interested in starting their own raised bed or garden plot. Grow your own food and herbs, and help to keep the space clean and free of debris. Community garden organizer, Alison Osmun told us about her favorite space in the garden. “The entire garden is beautiful from the painted, colorful raised garden beds to the tiled and painted murals, the native plant terrace and the blooming front border beds, herb and berry bushes…” This garden has everything.

Jackson & 14th St, Toledo

It takes a farm

Things are moving and shaking at the Toledo University Church urban farm and community garden. TUC’s motto, “Growing food, growing awareness, growing compassion” has served them well on their 9 acre farm. Started in 2010 with the mission to provide greater access to fresh produce to Toledo’s underserved community, this urban farm has undergone an impressive transformation thanks to countless hours of sweat and hard work.

Seven years later the space boosts a 2000 plant vertical growing system, an orchard, apiary for honey bees, chicken coops, raised beds, greenhouses, garden sheds and hoop houses. Families can get involved in a variety of ways, from growing their own food, to harvesting produce to be donated to local food pantries, like Food For Thought.

4747 Hill Ave, Toledo

River Road legacy

Perrysburg is home to one of the area’s treasures—the 577 Foundation. Founded in 1989, the space is a natural wonderland right on the Maumee. In addition to hosting community lessons for adults and kids, a historic log cabin, a nature walk, and a library, 577 is home to the area’s only geodesic biodome, housing tropical plants in a year-round greenhouse. 577 offers free community garden plots to families. Come for a visit and talk to the staff about becoming a member of the garden.

577 East Front St, Perrysburg

Common good garden

Those in the Bowling Green community are welcome to join the community garden at Peace Lutheran Church. For over ten years, this garden has been growing food for the community with a ‘giving garden’ model — anyone is welcome to harvest and take what they need while the majority of the produce is donated to the Brown Bag Food Project. Volunteers welcome.

1021 W Wooster St, Bowling Green

Real farm to table

CSAs are another way to bring fresh produce, herbs, eggs, honey and more home to your table. Community shared agriculture allows families to buy a membership, which assures a share of the harvest, at a local organic farm or garden.

Ottawa Lake Heritage Farm
4337 Smith Rd, Ottawa Lake, MI | FB

Bittersweet Farms
12660 Archbold-Whitehouse Rd, Whitehouse | bittersweetfarms.org

Shared Legacy Farms
3701 S Schultz-Portage Rd, Elmore | sharedlegacyfarms.com

Friendship Farms
9960 S Berkey Southern Rd, Waterville | friendshipfarmscsa.com
Schooner Farms
14890 Otsego Pike, Weston | schoonerberries.com

Toledo Grows
900 Oneida St, Toledo | toledogrows.org

What’s Briefly Happening… in June!

By

Toledo Parent Staff

-

May 31, 2018

Pizza Making, Sylvania (5th Street Pub)

Looking for a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon with the kids?
Look no further. 5th Street Pub on Monroe St. in Sylvania offers kids the chance to make personalized pizzas every Saturday from noon-2pm. With the help of Chef Bruce, kids learn the art of pizza making, then get to enjoy their creation.

$5/kid | Noon-2pm | Every Saturday

5th Street Pub | 5577 Monroe St, Sylvania
419-517-5311 | 5thstreetpub.com

Outdoor Movies, Perrysburg

It’s summer, and everyone is looking for ways to get outside-and watch a movie? That’s right, on Saturdays, June 11th through October 1st, a family-friendly movie will be shown outside in Perrysburg’s Commodore School yard. Bring some chairs or a blanket, and don’t forget the snacks!

The series kicks things off June 11 with To Kill a Mockingbird; June 18, Captain America, and June 25, Max. What fun!

8pm | 140 E Indiana Ave, Perrysburg
419-874-9147 | visitperrysburg.com | Free

Read Off Your Fines At The Library

Forget counting change to pay off any library fines. Toledo Lucas County Public Library is offering children and teens a chance to earn Library Dollars just by reading! Children and teens can visit any library location during normal business hours to “read off” their fines. Library Dollars can only be used to pay fines on juvenile cards and cannot be used for missing or damaged materials. Library Dollars must be used the day they are earned for fines already incurred.

Forté Music School Summer Student Showcase

In 2008, Transylvania native Virgil Lupu began teaching at Forté Music School. Soon after, he took over the business and has grown the enrollment from 150 students to over 500. See why students love the school during the Forté Music School Summer Student Showcase. Students will perform in disciplines including voice, percussion, string, woodwind, brass instruments, and more, during a family-friendly concert open to the community.

Director, Virgil, proud of the students and faculty of Forté Music School, explains “We nurture discipline through the power of music. Students of all ages come here to learn, not just about music but to have a deeper understanding of themselves. Our school gives people the opportunity to build character, create good habits and learn at their own pace.”

Students will perform throughout the day, with separate concerts starting every hour.

9am-7pm | Saturday, June 16
3208 W Sylvania Ave, Toledo
419-471-2100 | fortemusic419.com

Reading Strong All Summer Long with TLCP Library’s Reading Challenges

By

Emily Remaklus

-

May 31, 2018

Summer is upon us, which for most kids means spending time outside, playing video games, hanging out with friends and, most of all, no school! But just because school is out doesn’t mean learning has to end. The Toledo Lucas County Public Library keeps kids on track academically and to help build a love for reading.

101 Picture Book Challenge

This summer the Toledo Lucas County Public Library will host two reading challenges. The first ever 101 Picture Book Challenge includes a list of picture books showing diversity, award winners, and a selection geared towards babies and toddlers.

The 2018 Summer Reading Challenge is about reading and the library offers challenges like scavenger hunts and online challenges. Collaborations with Toledo area businesses and organizations support the programs.

The fun starts at the Kickoff Party on June 4th at the Main Library Branch downtown. The party runs from 11:30-1:00pm and the concert begins at noon.

101 Picture Book Challenge Favorites

We asked some TLCPL librarians to tell us about their favorite book on the 101 Picture Book Challenge and why?

Eric Pfeffinger, Children’s Librarian, Washington Branch

“My favorite book on the list is I Want My Hat Back. It’s about a bear who is devastated that he can’t find his hat, and he goes around asking other animals if they’ve seen it. The words and the pictures are spare and economical—there’s exactly as much artwork and language as is needed to tell the story, and not even a tiny bit extra.”

E. Heidi Yeager, Children’s Services Librarian, Sanger Branch Library

“My all-time favorite book is Corduroy. It is the story of all of us when we are growing up. Being told we can’t have everything we see, and learning that if we dream big enough, we can make things happen by ourselves. The joy of having a soul mate, of having family, and the love of both is why this story will always remain my all-time favorite.”

Patti Lusher, Children’s Librarian, Waterville Branch Library

“My favorite book on the list is Calvin Can’t Fly. Calvin is a bird who would rather read books and learn things than learn how to fly. But when the other birds tell Calvin it’s time to fly south, what is he going to do? This is a story about friendship, love of books and learning, and being OK with who you are. What a great way to enjoy a book with your child!”

Toledo Chapter of ‘Jack and Jill’: 65 Years of Supporting Future African-American Leaders

By

Erin Holden

-

May 31, 2018

The Toledo Chapter of Jack and Jill celebrated their 65th anniversary at the Sapphire Gala, held at the Toledo Museum of Art.

Founded in 1938 in Philadelphia, Jack and Jill of America, Inc. was formed to help African American children become strong leaders through volunteer service and education. Immediate Past President and Sapphire Gala co-chair Kelli Winston is a legacy member of the organization, and her children have been involved since they were toddlers.

Teach, lead, and impact

Originally from St. Louis, Winston joined the Toledo Chapter in 2006. When Winston and her husband first moved here they didn’t know anyone, and the organization quickly became a touchstone as they began to feel like a part of the Jack and Jill family. Kelli’s 14-year-old son and 11-year-old daughter enjoy the friendships they’ve made.

Legacy member Kelli Winston and husband, Thomas.

Winston was proud to be involved in the 65th anniversary celebration. “It’s a huge milestone for our chapter,” she said. “The event really speaks to how the community values children.” A very special moment was when a collaborative mural was unveiled. It reads “Teach, Lead, Impact” and is filled with the self-portraits of the children who made it.

Collaborative mural (courtesy Christine Senack, Girl in the Glass City.)

There are many stories of Jack and Jill members who have gone on to do great things in their communities. Winston recalled two members in particular. “Victoria and Olivia Phifer graduated from the Toledo Chapter more than seven years ago,” she said. “Both of these sisters held leadership positions in Jack and Jill locally and regionally, graduated from college, earned master’s degrees and have blossoming careers in public health and public relations.”

Giving children the tools

The organization has made changes over time, but it’s overall message stays the same: it is vital to give all children the tools they need to succeed.

“Jack and Jill has evolved to serve the unique needs of children and the community,” Winston said. “The opportunities we have to make a difference in the lives of children have grown. Technology has made our work easier, faster and better. Branding has made Jack and Jill more visible. We are more integrated into our communities, and we are known as a service group that focuses on children.”

“We have always been dedicated to the mission of our founders,” Winston said. “80 years later we remain committed to all children, teaching them to lead and serve.”

Winston notes “many positive changes in our society over the years, however the organization continues to face challenges as it supports the growth and development of future African-American leaders. Children in this country are still facing racism, intolerance, gun violence, education and economic inequality and health challenges. It is critically important that our organization encourages our children to speak up and speak out and that they’re never too young to make a difference.”

[email protected] | facebook.com/ToledoJackandJill

Five Foster Care Misconceptions Set Straight

By

Cassie Haddad

-

May 31, 2018

Have you been thinking about the possibility of opening your heart and your home to foster children? While there’s a need for foster parents, there are some often negative perceptions about fostering. Here are five foster care misconceptions set straight.

1. Foster parents do it for the money.

Stories about a rotten apple or two ruining the whole bunch proliferate but the idea that the responsibility of fostering children is done for financial gain, is just untrue. Yes, foster families get paid, but they are paid to cover the costs of caring for the child, such as food, clothing, and supplies, including diapers, wipes, toys, and all the other things that go along with having children in your home. Most foster children do not arrive with many belongings. Often the clothes on their back are their only possessions. Anyone who has experience with children knows the expense involved in raising a child. More often than not, a foster family will spend more than they are paid in order to provide for the child in their care.

2. It costs a lot of money to adopt a foster child.

If you’re hoping to adopt, but you don’t have the financial ability to do it privately, foster care is an excellent avenue to pursue. Of course, you must prepare for the very real possibility that a child you foster will not stay with you, but if adoption becomes an option, foster families are generally the first ones asked if they’d like to adopt. Once you make that choice, it costs very little. For one family I know, the adoption cost was only a few hundred dollars and the state even reimbursed some of their attorney’s fees.

3. The process is strenuous and invasive.

As one foster parent put it, “DHHS (The Ohio Department of Health and Human Services) isn’t trying to find fault with you, your house, or your parenting. They need you more than you need them, and they don’t want to drive foster parents away.” Foster parent training and the home study conducted to certify a home as being safe and appropriate are free and fairly easy processes, and in normal situations, a social worker won’t be invading the privacy of your home to check up on you too often.

4. Foster parents have no say in who they foster.

If you’ve considered doing foster care, but have worried that every time the phone rings you’ll have to say ‘yes’, rest assured that isn’t the case. If the timing isn’t right, you can always decline without hurting your chances of getting a later placement. You can also tell DHHS your preferences in terms of the age of the children you foster. Often work situations as well as factors including the makeup of your family (ages and genders of biological or adopted children) need to be considered.

5. “I could never do foster care. I’d love them too much to give them up.”

This comment could be a bit insulting to any foster parent. Foster families don’t have a special switch they can flip on and off to control emotions. Friends who foster children love these children as their own and it is heartbreaking when a child leaves their care. But foster parents don’t do it for themselves. They open their homes for the children who need them. Foster care requires a selfless love that can make you emotionally vulnerable, but when balanced against what is being provided for that child, it makes the potential heartache worth it.

For more information about foster care, contact the Lucas County Childrens’ Services Board at 419-213-3200 or visit lucaskids.net.