“Take care of yourself, too.”

As a parent of a child who needs a lot of support, I’ve heard those words often.

They’re well-intended. And they’re true.

But no one tells you exactly when you’re supposed to do that.

For parents caring for a child who needs extra support, caregiving doesn’t take a holiday. There are still appointments, medications, therapies, school concerns, sleepless nights and the constant responsibility of making sure your child is okay.

School breaks can bring additional challenges. Changes in routine, fewer supports and more time at home may mean a child needs even more from their caregiver.

Then the holidays add more—gifts to buy, gatherings to navigate, traditions to maintain and pressure to make the season special.

Behind it all is the work people rarely see: the planning, worrying and constantly thinking ahead.

So this holiday season, maybe instead of telling caregivers to take care of themselves, we could ask:

How can we help take care of them?

Give the gift of doing

I remember how excited I was when grocery delivery became available. For years, something as ordinary as running to the store wasn’t always possible, and sometimes we simply went without. Even shopping for a holiday meal could be difficult. What may seem like a convenience to many families can feel like a lifeline to a caregiver.

That experience taught me how much practical help can matter.

“Let me know if you need anything” is kind. But when someone is already overwhelmed, figuring out what to ask for can feel like one more task. Instead, consider offering something specific:

“I’m going to the store. What can I pick up?”

“Would it help if I dropped dinner off on your porch one day this week?”

“Can I sit with your child so you can spend some time with your other child?”

“I’ll handle that errand.”

None of these things is complicated. But when someone is carrying a lot, taking one thing off their plate can mean more than you realize.

Remember the other children

When one child needs a lot of care, siblings often learn to adjust. Plans change. Parents divide their time. Holidays may look different than expected.

One of the kindest things someone can offer is to stay with the child who needs more support so a parent can take their other child to lunch, go Christmas shopping together or simply have some uninterrupted time with them.

Sometimes caring for the caregiver also means giving them the chance to just be Mom or Dad to their other child.

You can support the sibling directly, too. Take them for hot chocolate. Go see the lights. Ask about their interests. Give them a little time when the attention is just theirs.

Keep inviting them

Caregiving can make plans unpredictable. Families may decline invitations, arrive late or need to leave early.

Keep inviting them anyway.

Don’t take a “no” personally or stop including someone because participating has become complicated. When being there in person isn’t possible, a FaceTime or virtual visit can still help a family feel connected and included.

Sometimes knowing we were still wanted matters almost as much as being able to go.

Listen without trying to fix it

Caregivers don’t always need advice or a solution.

Sometimes they just need somewhere safe to say, “This is hard.”

A parent can love their child more than anything and still be exhausted. Gratitude and overwhelm can exist at the same time.

You don’t need the perfect words. Sometimes listening and simply being present is enough.

Ask about them, too

When a child is going through something difficult, people naturally ask, “How is your child?”

Every once in a while, ask another question:

“How are you?”

And stay long enough to hear the answer.

The gifts that matter

The most meaningful gifts aren’t always the ones wrapped under the tree. Sometimes it’s a meal, a little time, someone willing to listen and be present, or simply knowing you haven’t been forgotten.

Caregivers don’t always need advice. Sometimes we need someone to say:

“I’ve got this part. You don’t have to carry it all today.”

I know how much those moments can matter.

Not another thing for us to do.

One less thing we have to carry alone.