The lives of youths often are thought to be fun and carefree, but not always. In this post-pandemic, social-media-heavy era, it’s sometimes tough being a kid, facing emotional trauma. What can parents do?
“We take our kids to a doctor or a dentist,” said Erin Wiley, a licensed professional clinical counselor and owner/therapist of The Willow Center. “When there are issues in school, we find a tutor. If they want to play an instrument, we find a teacher.”
She continued, “As parents we can’t be proficient in everything our kids need.” If they’re struggling with their feelings and emotions, she said parents should feel comfortable seeking a therapist for them.
The reasons for child therapy have changed since the pandemic. “It’s shifted from behavior disorders to more anxiety and trauma disorders,” said Leslie Lefevre, clinical manager of the youth therapy department at Zepf Center. “It’s more about mood disorders now than in the past.”
“We’ve certainly seen an uptick in therapy across the board,” said Phillip Atkins, Ph.D., chief care coordination officer for Harbor, “specifically with kids. They’re facing quite a bit of pressure that we didn’t have growing up. Certainly, the pandemic was a watershed for kids and their development. We have a generation of young people who just derailed, rerouted from the typical normal stages of development. Now, they’re running to catch up.”
Atkins added, “One of the most common mental health disorders is anxiety. There’s a lot more cultural anxiety than 10 years ago. Kids experienced the collective trauma of a pandemic. When they were supposed to do key development tasks, like staying with friends or being dropped off at a movie by themselves when they were able to master the next step, they didn’t. The trauma of that has biologically changed the brain wiring of a lot of our kids.”
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Youths are having more social and emotional difficulties, Lefevre said, and are undergoing therapy to learn those social and coping skills. At Zepf, she said youths receive behavior therapy focusing on developing social skills. “There’s a lot of role-playing, practicing skills in session, and coaching how to practice them outside of the session,” she said. For example, she added, “Some kids come in who refuse to order their own food in a restaurant, so we work on having them try to order at least their drink without help.”
As an example of how youths think, Wiley points to the recent family/comedy animated film “Inside Out 2.” That movie introduces the character of Anxiety to the mix of Joy, Anger, Fear, Disgust, and Sadness to a young mind.
“Give kids permission to have big feelings and not stifle them, otherwise they’ll become physically and emotionally sick,” she said.
Atkins said parents can help by taking care of themselves, too. “Be aware of your own anxieties and fears,” he said, “making sure you have a support system to deal with your own issues. Kids pick up on emotions and stresses, even when we don’t think we’re showing them. Be upfront and say, ‘Dad’s struggling right now, so I’m going to talk to somebody.’ It’s good to acknowledge that.”
Atkins added, “We like to think we have an open dialogue with our kids, but we also need to arrange for a caring adult outside of our home where they can find safety or bring things up – having someplace where a kid can go when there’s a sense of tension in the household.” He recalls as a child “we had neighbors where we could go to and we could hang out, watch TV. Having those safe harbors for your kids is really important.”
He also cautioned parents against overscheduling their children in this post-pandemic time. “We were on an activity binge before the pandemic,” Atkins said. “Now parents want to give them opportunities because they were locked down for two years. Be conscious of overscheduling.”
Lefevre also has suggestions for parents. “Parenting is hard. I’m a parent myself. Every kid is so different. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s important to get past ‘It’s not OK to ask for help’ because it’s not an easy process.”
She added, “I always advocate for early intervention, sooner rather than later.” She said many parents tell the Zepf staff they waited a year or so before looking into therapy for their child “because they thought it was a phase and they would grow out of it, but it’s good to bring the child in and get evaluated.”
Lefevre said parents should consider having their child evaluated in the summer if possible. “You’ll get in quicker. We get booked up pretty quickly in the fall.”
Wiley has encouraging words for parents. “If you have a kid who’s different, more sensitive, more anxious or more easily upset in ways that are disproportionate to their peers, that means you have an exceptional child. Those kids tend to be really bright, if not academically, but creatively and artistically. They often have a great need for emotion regulation and resiliency than other kids, not because anything’s wrong with them. To the contrary, it means something’s remarkable about them.
“Seeking help for them to live with themselves is a gift you can give your kids,” Wiley said.
