The concept is simple: if swamped with details, stop and restart. When a computer is overloaded and sluggish, a reboot helps. In a sense, it’s the same for people, especially school-age children. But the question is: When to “reboot” in the form of a mental health day?
“Taking a mental health day is taking a day when you’re not in a position to function regularly at the performance you’re expected to,” said Erin Wiley, a licensed professional clinical counselor and owner/therapist of The Willow Center. “If you feel too overwhelmed to do the activities you need to do at work or school, you need a break. There are times in life it behooves us to slow down.”
While generally speaking of adults, Wiley said the idea of a mental health day for youngsters is good. “We expect kids to act like mini-grownups when they go to school, but sometimes they’re crabby, tired or sick. Adults can easily identify that and can advocate for themselves, but kids don’t know how to do that.” Wiley explained, further, “Parents need to look at their kids and recognize when stress is normal and when a kid really is overwhelmed enough to need a break.”
To make that decision, parents need to talk to their children and more importantly listen to what they say. If the youngster wants to stay home from school, ask why – trouble with a bully or academics, or something bothering them otherwise.
“Parents need to assess and understand. They’re trying to tell you something. The greatest gift is to let them know you’re hearing them,” Wiley said.
“Even if you don’t let them stay home, maybe tell them, ‘We can take a break from basketball practice for a couple nights to get you caught up, or come home earlier from an activity,’” she said as examples. “It’s honoring the energy level and the emotional needs of the kids.”
Taking a mental health day
Once the decision is made that yes, a mental health day is in order, it can be helpful to make a plan for the day.
“Are you going to rest, stay in bed, work on a paper so that the day is well-used? Or do they need a fun day, like going to the zoo,” Wiley said.
She added that for younger students, a parent or guardian has to stay home with them. “But not everybody can pull this off – if there’s a single parent working two jobs,” she said. In such cases, Wiley suggested the parent make arrangements with another responsible adult and tell the youngster “maybe we can’t work it out tomorrow, but there’s going to be a day when they can catch their breath.”
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“It’s good to have a plan,” said Wendy Pawelski, a clinical therapist and a licensed clinical professional counselor. “Sometimes just lying on the couch is actually great. It gives the brain a break.” Pawelski, who has a counseling practice in suburban Chicago, added, “Or go to an activity to reinvigorate you, refresh you. We forget we’re people and need ourselves to have the opportunity to enjoy life, as adults and children.” For example, she said she planned a mental health day for her 7-year-old son, taking him to a water park.
She said among the signs parents should look for in deciding if a mental health day is appropriate is whether their youngster is “becoming more lethargic or withdrawn – not enjoying things as they used to – with low motivation, low energy.”
Pawelski said when parents were children, they were often told when facing difficulties “to deal with it and suck it up.” These days, however, it is understood that such dismissiveness is detrimental. “Whether it’s in life, family, sports, we don’t want them to get burned out,” she said of today’s children. “They need to talk with a trusted adult, parent or guardian, to identify and understand why they need to take a day off.”
She said, “Working with children on these decisions gives them more autonomy to make healthy decisions for themselves with our guidance. When we give children some control with guidelines, they feel proud of themselves. It’s a great thing to give them that taste of independence.”
Wiley said because many youngsters are heavily scheduled with activities, “they might need to call a timeout. Parents should pay attention. A child, or adult, who’s been experiencing a difficult time, emotionally or physically, often just needs a day or two of extra rest to catch up.”
