As Fathers’ Day approaches, we all like to remember the many wise words and sage advice our fathers passed along to us. Generally, mothers will be more direct about offering advice, while you might need to watch how fathers deal with the world to get his tips for living well.
I learned a lot of direct and practical information from my mother. But my dad taught me many general lessons — to be organized, to take notes, to be prepared (all of which I’ve used throughout my career). And that it’s often better to show people how you feel. I learned my sense of (physical) direction from him, something I carry to this day. And when I began teaching, he wanted to hear all about it and tell me everything he took from his teaching career.
RELATED: Lucas County Fatherhood Coalition Celebrates Fatherhood Awareness Month
You can seek out your father’s guidance if you take it slowly. “Be clear about what you are asking,” explained Perrysburg therapist Amanda Bradley, EMDR, CBT, DBT and talk therapy. “Dads tend to switch into problem solving mode quickly, so be sure you are clear on the type of support you are looking for.”
But from a lifetime of watching and learning about dad, you can also derive a depth of wisdom. “My dad Jim died when I was 14,” said Jill Hayden Schoenlein of Luckey. “I’m now 38, and when people share memories, it’s him always having an extra plate set at the dinner table for the unexpected guest, because everyone was welcome. And to always be kind. He never met a stranger; he could start a conversation with anyone.”
Nicole Bores, Sylvania, said her dad Dave told her, “It is important for a lady to know how to change a tire and use basic tools. He made me a little toolbox when I got my first apartment. He has been gone almost 6 years now and I miss him every day.”
“My dad was always forgiving,” said Aaron Baughman, Urban Farm Manager at Toledo GROWs and Pastor of Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. “I remember in high school I got my first speeding ticket, and I was so nervous telling my father. His response was, ‘Well, it happens, that’s life. Now let’s go pay that ticket.’ As hard as it is sometimes… I seek to be just as forgiving for my kids,” he said.
Bradley’s dad Gordon owned his own business. “He always talked about the importance of attention to detail. As a business owner, I have used this advice daily. I continue to ask him questions about how I should handle various concerns. While taking the time to be thorough can seem redundant at times, it has saved me more headaches than it has caused me.”
“I’m thankful dad passed his gifts to me,” said Schoenlein. “I try to carry on his lessons today; I believe everyone knows they are welcome in our home. And kindness is very important to me. We named our son Jim after my dad.”
And Baughman said his dad taught him to never give up. “In my adult life I apply this every day, as I seek to get one thing done before I move on to the next,” he said.
So, if you’d like to ask your own dad for some life lessons, plan for the best possible time, explained Bradley. “Make sure you have dad’s attention and that he’s not tired or otherwise preoccupied. Perhaps go for a walk or while you are driving with dad you will find it easier to broach the subject. Get vulnerable, even just a little bit. Letting dad know that the topic is on your mind or that it has been bothering you will allow for a deeper connection (and it will also remind dad that you trust him with the important stuff!) Give him some time. Say thank you — for his time, his insights and his wisdom.”
