A child who becomes overwhelmed in a noisy classroom might be labeled difficult. A student who needs extra time may be mistaken for someone who isn’t trying. A child who struggles with a change in routine might simply appear uncooperative. Anxiety symptoms may often appear as if a child is being defiant. Large, round eyes may indicate fear, rather than a child “lying” to an adult. But sometimes, there is much more happening beneath the surface.
Many disabilities aren’t immediately apparent to the people around a child. For parents, that can mean becoming an advocate—not only for the services and accommodations their child needs, but also for greater understanding from teachers, coaches, other parents and the community. Karen Mason, MD, developmental and behavioral pediatrician at Nationwide Children’s – Toledo, said a hidden or non-apparent disability is a physical, mental or emotional impairment that cannot necessarily be recognized simply by looking at someone.
Examples can include learning disabilities, autism spectrum disorders, speech and language delays, hearing or vision impairments and intellectual disabilities. Conditions including anxiety, depression, diabetes, chronic pain and Crohn’s disease may also result in a non-apparent disability when they significantly affect a person’s ability to function.
Look beyond the behavior
One of the biggest challenges families face is that when others can’t see a disability, they may not recognize how much effort a child is putting into navigating everyday situations.
“The biggest challenge is managing the expectations that people have about how a child should act and respond to the world, new people and new situations,” Mason said.
A child may look like their peers but have very different needs. What appears to be refusal, inattentiveness or an overreaction could instead be a child struggling to manage demands that are especially challenging for them.
“A child may seem fine on the outside while working incredibly hard to manage challenges that others don’t notice,” Mason said. That makes curiosity and compassion important. Rather than immediately asking why a child isn’t behaving like everyone else, adults can consider what might be making the situation difficult for that particular child. Advocate before there’s a problem Parents don’t necessarily need to wait until their child begins struggling to start conversations with the adults in their child’s life.
Mason recommends being proactive. “Parents know their child best and can identify ways to help their child cope with experiences they might have,” she says. Before school begins or a child starts a new activity, parents can talk with teachers, coaches and other caregivers about situations that may be difficult. Just as importantly, they can explain strategies that already work at home. That might mean letting a teacher know that transitions are challenging, explaining what helps when a child becomes overwhelmed or identifying accommodations that allow the child to participate more successfully.
Sharing those strategies can shift the conversation from simply identifying what a child struggles with to figuring out what helps that child succeed.
Teach children to understand their own needs
Advocacy doesn’t have to belong solely to parents. As children mature, understanding their disability can lay the groundwork for eventually advocating for themselves.
Mason recommends beginning with a simple message: everyone has different strengths, challenges and needs. As children get older, parents can offer increasingly age-appropriate information about their disability while helping them recognize both what they do well and where additional support may be useful. “Needing accommodations doesn’t make them less capable,” Mason said. “It simply means they may take a different path to achieve the same goals.” That distinction can help children view accommodations as tools rather than evidence that something is wrong with them.
Choose compassion over assumptions
Parents can educate and advocate, but creating truly inclusive environments also requires other adults to reconsider their expectations. “A little patience, flexibility and compassion can make a tremendous difference for these children and their families,” Mason said.
A child’s needs may not always be obvious—and adults may not always know the full story behind a behavior or accommodation. “Rather than making assumptions, it’s helpful to remember that every child is unique,” Mason said, adding, “When we approach children with understanding and focus on helping them get what they need to succeed, we create a more inclusive and supportive environment for everyone.”
